Shelby Lou's Blog

New York! I love you, New York!

2012-01-27T17:18:00.000-08:00

Friends and Family,

I opened my mission call yesterday, and it was the happiest day of my life so far. I cannot believe it actually came yesterday. It really was a tender mercy. I am grateful that Heavenly Father helped me out. Down to business...

I will be serving in the...

NEW YORK, NEW YORK SOUTH MISSION - SPANISH SPEAKING.

Holy moly!

I enter the Missionary Training Center on Wednesday April 18th, 2012. I will be there for 9 weeks, then I will head to New York to preach the gospel. I am so excited, and I can't believe I am this lucky.

This call feels so right, (it came from the Lord, how could it not?) anywhere else would not be right. THIS is my place and my mission. I can't wait to spend the next year and a half of my life serving the Lord!

YAY!

The IF Factor

2012-01-26T15:08:00.000-08:00

There is a part of me that keeps saying, "You don't have any idea what you are doing." When this part of me starts to speak, I let it ramble. Mainly because, I respect the view point, and understand that I am not completely sure of what I am doing. My life is literally being decided for me. Of course, I have my agency and can back out at any moment. But I have chosen to let the next year and a half of my life be in complete tribute to God. I know it's the right decision, but for some reason, that doesn't make it any easier.

Last night, I recieved a blessing from my very best friend (Who has a new best friend, his fiance, which is okay by me because I'm glad he is finally finding his eternity. Not like I have a choice in the matter. I love Rachel so much and feel like she is one of my very best friends. I'm not sure why I'm saying all of this.). He holds the power to give me a blessing from God. In this blessing, my Heavenly Father reminded me that he loves me. That he is proud of the decisions I have made, and is by my side. I believe every word he said was true. The truth is so evident in this because, he didn't just heap all of my blessings to me. There were conditions. IF I have faith in him, he will help my anxious heart. IF I write down my impressions in my journal, the things I learn will help me in the mission field.

I think that the word IF makes God real. Because there are always conditions to everything. Nothing is really ever free, and if that were true (see that... if) things would be too easily taken for granted. And just think about all the things that we already do take for granted. God trusts me to spread his gospel. I'm not sure how, and I'm not sure why, but he does. He knows that IF he blesses me, I will respond, and IF I respond with humility and grace, he will continue to bless me. IF I don't, then I recieve the consequences of my actions.

Why then, is it so incredibly hard to wait for a call from the Lord? It's hard because I'm human. It's hard because I have not perfected the gift of patience. It is so hard, because I want so bad to have my Heavenly Father speak to me, and I am too stubborn to listen to what he has already been telling me. And that is...

SHELBY. I love you. Be patient. Take no thought for tomorrow, because you need to live right NOW. You need to focus on TODAY, this moment. Spend time with your family, show them your love. Open your heart to others and know that I am your God. Repent. Repent. Repent.

My Heavenly Father loves me, and wether my call comes today, tomorrow or in two weeks. He will still love me, and he will keep telling the same things OVER AND OVER until I listen, because it is THAT important. I urge whoever is reading this to listen to your spirit. Listen to that incredible power with you that helps you choose right from wrong. Listen to God. Hear his voice and follow his commands. If you don't, (again, if) you will find yourself sitting in the soil, wondering why God has deserted you... not realizing the seeds in your pocket, and the promise they bring.

Give Me A Break

2012-01-24T21:36:00.000-08:00

(I screen captured this picture from Marissa D's website. It's from Lauren's wedding in December.)

I've been hard on myself a lot the past year or so. I think I've realized that more and more recently. I expect a lot from myself, and when I don't meet my own expectations, I can be really cruel. It's funny to think that you can go to battle without leaving your house. Funny because, there is no cause and there is no justice. What are you going to prove? That you can beat yourself to a pulp, and only slightly recover? It makes no sense.

That is why I'm here to say. I am great. I am worth it. I am a daughter of God. I have redeeming qualities.

One. I love to share my testimony. It doesn't matter who it is with, or where. I will share my testimony. I don't know everything, but I do know that God loves me. Which is good enough to share with the world.

Two. I have great love for my family. I can't always actively do what they need me to do, or be where they need me to be. BUT I can love them with all of my heart and soul, no conditions.

Three. I am a hard worker. I am dedicated to working, and to completing tasks that are given to me. I can do things quickly, efficiently, and right. (With proper instruction.)

Four. I am good with kids. I make up fun games, and cool activities to do with them, that don't involve watching TV or playing video games. I love kids, and I feel like I am a fun adult to be with, but also someone who knows how to lay down the law.

I haven't got much else on my mind that I am good at, but I know these few things. I try really hard to, be a good friend, love everyone I meet, stay positive, be patient, read the scriptures, pray, and have fun. All of those things are important to me, and with time I can get better at them. It just takes practice.

Sometimes

2012-01-21T13:06:00.000-08:00

Sometimes...

It's hard for me to be nice to people, because they aren't nice to me.

I'm reminded of how much I love chocolate when I don't eat it for a week, then I eat a bunch of it in one day.

I feel self-conscious because I don't know how to go about this whole, "preparing for a mission" thing without looking like I'm crazy.

I am mildly dishonest when I drive the regular speed limit in the construction zones.

I can't imagine a world without God, my family and my friends.

I'm surprised that I still feel like I could've done things differently, when it was my decision to make.

I get a little too easily wrapped up in a book I'm reading, and then my mood changes to the mood of the book, and that can be very bad or good.

I indulge in guilty pleasures like stopping at the grocery store in the morning to buy an organic vanilla milk and a donut.

I wish all things in life were as wonderful as chocolate cheesecake and Gilmore Girls with my sister.

I borrowed this idea from Sam, at Young People in Love

To Do List

2012-01-18T16:43:00.000-08:00

Get mission papers & find out where I'm going. (I can't really do much about this now, so I'm waiting.)
Paint my nails.
Find a Temple Prep class and take the class.
Go to the Temple.
Drink more water.
Get pictures taken by Jalene
Buy mission clothes.
Go to Provo for mission clothes.
Play with Carter and Ryan.
Go to the Temple for baptisims this weekend.
Call the Temple to schedule a time.
Save more money.
Set aside money for car matinence and registration.
Get vaccinations.
Set aside money for when I get back.
Deep clean closet again.
Find basic tee's that don't kill my armpits.
Find out what the status is on my gym membership. Write them a letter saying I want to terminate it.
Jump out of a moving vehicle.
Study preach my gospel
Study the Book of Mormon more often.
Go to the cabin with my family
Figure out how to tell my jobs about my mission, and how to get my hours down without losing my jobs.
Run.
Download good church music to my iPod
Find new black shoes to wear to work.
Stop spending money. (hahahahahahahahahahaha)
Finish watching Gilmore Girls with my sister.
Randomly win tickets to Brad Paisley and Scotty Mcreery for next Saturday.
Buy tickets to see The Hunger Games.
Go to church and pay attention.
Don't yell at anyone.
Remember to, "Be valiant, be humble, and drive pride from your heart..."
E-Mail extended family about the temple.
Call Noel.
Find an outfit for pictures with Jalene.
Find money for pictures with Jalene. (oh heck.)
Get a set scripture for my missionary plaque. I was thinking D&C 6:36

Did I forget something??

Thought-Box

2012-01-14T21:59:00.000-08:00

Dear Thought-Box,

My thoughts come to me when I'm driving. ALWAYS when I'm driving. I think it might be because, besides working 70 hours a week, the rest of my time is either driving or sleeping. So here are a few thoughts.

I intended, at the beginning of the New Year to be better. To love people as Christ loves them. Why is that so hard? I don't understand how I can have an undying love for someone, then just clasp it off at any moment. (That is another thought entirely) What is it about the human soul that makes us so weak? There are multiple answers I'm sure. I just don't understand how some people can go through life, loving everyone they meet.

You know the person, the one who is always happy. Who is somber in hard times, but tells you "things will be okay, they really are good" and they mean it. Who are these people? Except for my idols. What I don't understand, and I want someone to explain to me, is when you do ALL you feel you can for someone, and they still treat you like dirt, how do you go on treating them kindly? Christ forgave, Christ forgives. "Forgive them for they know not what they do." This may be blaspheme, but I'm pretty sure my enemies KNOW exactly what they are doing. Not even enemies in particular, just people who are rude, stupid, and cocky on purpose. People who I don't get along with.

What about them?

Of course, I know the answer. LOVE THEM. But how? It's not my right to reign justice down upon them with a rude retort, or a sarcastic remark. It's not my right to be rude to someone, or speak horribly of someone. It's not my right. The only people that would have that ability, (even though they would not be rude to anyone, but they would serve justice) are God and Christ. They are there to make sure justice is paid, and I am not at liberty to sign those checks.

If there were one thing I would love to learn right now, it would be to be able to deflect people's mean and rude words. Instead of saying things back, and being horrible to others. Because when one person gets me angry or upset, the rest of my day is ruined. I just want have that heart and that love to forgive instantly, and move on quickly and quietly from destructive people. Knowing that by loving them, or trying to, I have made it one step closer to eternity.

Because to me, that's what it's all about.

Sincerely yours,
Shelby

Mission Update

2012-01-13T16:19:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends and Family,

My papers are in. My PAPERS are IN. Did you read the last two sentences? IN. I-N. As in; Salt Lake. Being reviewed by the Executive Missionary Committee of the Quoram of the Twelve Apostles. My oh my, I never thought this day would come. In just two weeks, I will have in my hot-little-hands my future (for the next year and a half). I can barely stand the excitement!

But you know what is even more exciting, humbling, and completely unreal? The fact that I will be going through the Temple soon. So soon in fact. I'm hoping to go through as soon as I get my call. Of course there will be weeks of preperation, but that doesn't mean that it won't be soon. It's one of the biggest decisions, and blessings of my life. I'm not scared one little bit, I'm excited.

Love,

Shelby

A Letter of Updates

2012-01-07T10:53:00.000-08:00

Why yes, I'm alive. I'm 80 percent sure no one reads this anymore. But I've decided to do something new. I know, I always say that, then I don't do it. This time though, I think it might work. Maybe.. You see, I'm going on a mission soon. (My papers should be in this week, if that's what should happen.) I think I need to get better at writing letters. So, my blog will be my letter writing station. Are you excited? I am.

Dear Friends and Family,

This week has been tiring, but exciting. I didn't know that Sunday wasn't Fast Sunday, and I fasted. Which is awesome still, but it's kind of crazy because I seemed to be the ONLY MORMON ALIVE that didn't know about the New Years rule. I guess if New Years Day falls on a Sunday, Fast Sunday moves to the next Sunday. I didn't know that, but every one else did. Whatever.

I was actually off of work on Monday, and decided to take myself shopping so I could spend the money from my gift-cards. Holiday traffic was HORRID. I almost punched twenty people in their face. Which is totally not nice at all, and I should go to Hell for saying that. BUT it was true. I got so fed-up with trying to shop while the whole world was watching. (Exaggeration, just all of Vegas. haha)

This week was extremely good to me though. I finally met with my Bishop and he submitted my mission papers to the Stake President. So unless something goes wrong with my papers when I meet with the Stake President, they should be in this upcoming week. I have never felt so much relief in my life. I feel like I've been waiting for this for years and years, when it's only been three months. I just can hardly believe this is really happening now. I'm SO excited!

(A picture of my Mom's side of the Family from Thanksgiving.)

Mom goes in to surgery on Tuesday, and things are going to be a little lonely for a while. I am fervently praying in my heart that all goes well, and that recovery is quick. I get so scared when my family goes through little hiccups like these. I think I've read too many blogs, and seen too many movies. I just want everything to be okay. Ya know? I'm sure I have nothing to worry about, but still I worry. It's part of who I am.

I have been working so much. SO much. I can't even express to you the amount of hours I have been working. It's been crazy. 60 to 70 hour weeks, no time for anything but work. This is my life, and that's okay. BECAUSE I made it this way. I need to work really hard to go on a mission. I'm not going to be able to pay for ALL of it on my own, but my goal is to pay for almost half. ($3000) If I could do that, I would be happy. I am so humbled to know that others are willing to help me serve a mission. It makes me feel so grateful for the people in my life, and for the gospel. I know the church is true and I can't wait to dedicated a year and a half to preaching the truth.

That's life.

Until next time.

Keep smiling!
Shelby Lou

This Year I....

2011-12-31T13:00:00.000-08:00

Ran a Half Marathon....

Went to California with my family...

Got a gym membership that I regret immensely... (but loved at the moment)

Hiked Sunrise Mountain at night..

My best friend of 15 years came home from his mission...

Opened up my first savings account, that actually HELD savings...

Became more crafty...

Learned that I AM my brother's keeper...

Got a Nook...

Made a new best friend who I love to pieces and miss so much...

Decided to start my mission papers...

Had the time of my life for two full weeks because of a boy, who eventually left and will never return...

Had another successful Pumpkin Carving Contest...

Completed my mission papers in record time...

Flew to Salt Lake to visit Jane...

Started to re-watch all the seasons of Gilmore Girls with my sister Jordan...

Watched my little nephews grow older...

Saw my best friend the happiest he has ever been, because his girlfriend said yes when he asked her to marry him...

Lost faith, and struggled to get it back... (still struggling)

Started working two jobs...

Was a bridesmaid in two weddings... Most currently, my dear friend Lauren's...

Finally watched Downton Abbey, and fell in love with it...

Went to my first club, and loved it! LMFAO! PARTY ROCK CREW!...

Bore my testimony of Christ in every fast and testimony meeting, besides one...

And finally, (although this didn't exactly go in order) I finished reading the Book of Mormon for the third time...

What did you do this year??

A Painting of a Park Bench

2011-12-30T12:09:00.000-08:00

I wiped the rag across the cool granite and cupped my hand under the edge of the counter, making a pocket for crumbs to fall into. Another day, another fifteen minutes until I needed to leave for work. I took the crumbs and dumped them in the sink, and slopped the rag back into the soapy water. One more rinse, and I will dry. My thoughts were everywhere.

"I wonder if that guy at work will be rude again today. Why can't I just kill him with kindness, instead of retorting back?"

"These shoes are not very dressy. I guess it doesn't really matter since they have never given me a proper uniform anyways. I should wear my nike's instead, they are more comfortable. Dang, I still need to wash them."

I hear the doorbell ring, and the dogs start to bark. It gives me a mild heart attack. Why oh why does Auzzie have such a shrill high bark? "Shut up girls!" I commanded, as I walked to the front door. "Who the heck could that be." I mumble under my breath. For a slight moment, I think maybe it's a surprise for me. Someone I haven't seen in a while. But, this isn't a romance novel, or a movie, so I push the thought aside. I look through the peep hole and don't see anyone standing there. Must be UPS. I open the door to see a large white box. It's standing on it's side, in the shape of a large rectangular picture frame. It doesn't have any writing on it, but it's clean and has a small handle at the top.

By this time the dogs have already ran through the front door to the gate at the end of court-yard. They are barking frantically and making a huge fuss. I call them inside, and go to lift the box. It's heavy, but not so much that I need help, so I take it inside.

I call my Mom to see if she was waiting for something to arrive. She tells me no, and I explain to her that the box has no markings on it. I get slightly afraid, because what if it's a terrorist attack or something?! I mean, it's not likely, but it could be. My mind flashes to me opening the box and hundreds of little balls falling out and spilling to the floor. They open one by one, filling the air with toxic fumes, and I die.

Curiosity killed the cat. I might as well be a cat today. I go into the kitchen and grab a pair of scissors. There is a fine line of tape at the top of the box, and I slice it open. It's a picture frame. Covered in a tan burlap material, and perfectly situated between styrofoam blocks. I lift it up and out of the box, kicking the box away and angling the picture against the foyer wall. As I loosen the burlap from around the picture I see vibrant displays of reds and orange, pink, yellow and a deep purple. It's an abstract version of a simple park bench. Two people sitting on it, with the girls legs swung over the top of the mans lap. The trees are purple and hang low over the two lovers. They sit kissing on a bench.

Gosh, it's so vibrant. It's so beautiful. My eyes start to tear up, as I notice the other shapes in the figure. A small red lamp-post, streaming yellow and orange light. The red bench, the brown, gravel road laying underneath. The people, so artistically mastered into the bench, like they were there before anything else. How the colors, though mostly the same, seem so different and so carefully molded together.

I step away from the picture, (in my interest, I've crouched close to it on the ground, with it inches from my face) and I look around the room. It felt as though someone was watching me for a moment. I check the door, and no one is there. I walk to the end of the yard, to the street, and I see no one.

Whoever did this, is an amazing artist. I'm not sure it was meant for me, but I am sure that it is something I will never for..Wait... who painted this? Is there a name. The work seems oddly familiar. I rush inside the door and search the painting for a signature. Nothing. I turn the picture over and on the back of the frame in small handwriting... I see his name. Could it be? Could this really be happening?

I sink to my knees in awe. Another movie-like encounter with this boy, this man, this artist. I look at the painting again, and it becomes ever-more familiar. I go back to the memory of him and I in the park that night. Sitting on that bench. How could he? How did he? I run my fingers across the people in the painting. They seem to be alive, in love.

I've thought up things like this, in moments of wanting. The moments when I missed him more than I missed anyone else. I took advantage of a chance encounter, that winter eve. I left him with nothing, no part of me. Just a broken heart to show. I often thought back to him, to us. Wondering "what if?" and "why not?". This was just too surreal, too out of bounds. I checked my watch and saw that I was late. I needed to go. But how was I supposed to go anywhere, when he was near? How was I supposed to do anything when he was trying to reach for me?

I stood there, astonished, and shocked. Unsure of what to do next.

((This piece of writing is fictional, some elements of the writing are true, but it is mostly a thought. I often think of things like this while driving alone in my car on the way home from work. I think I watch too many movies, and read too many books. But, I'm glad that I have somewhere to put these thoughts. They make me incredibly sad, and happy at the same time. I hope you enjoyed this, leave me a comment or two on your thoughts. Thanks!))

Small Thought - Big Knowledge

2011-12-29T10:17:00.000-08:00

I know that there is a God because...

When I don't pray, and I don't do the things that I should. I feel a deep sorrow and home-sickness that can only be cured by him. This feeling would not come, if he did not exist. Not only does he exist, he is my Heavenly Father, and Jesus Christ is my brother, Savior, and friend.

To Be Sincere...

2011-12-28T13:30:00.000-08:00

blinksoflife

I have one goal for the New Year. One. I know, so ambitious right?! Well, it's a big goal. It's a HUGE thing, that will encompass all of my energy and heart. My goal for this year is to love everyone I meet, to have a good heart.

My whole life. My whole life, I have been the way I am now. I get so annoyed with people, with talking, with people NEEDING me. This sounds weird.

What I'm trying to say. What I am trying SO HARD to say, is that... I have a deep rooted seed of hate. I have this thing that stands between me and success, between me and love, between me and God. It is commonly known as pride.

My goal this upcoming year, starting now, is that I will love others. That I will throw away my pride, and humble myself. That I will give in and give up when issues with care and trust come about. I will stand strong and firm in LOVE.

I will make sure that my actions come from my heart, and not from what others do or say.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T11:52:00.000-08:00

This Christmas has been all about work for me. I didn't really do any of the Christmas-y things on my list, besides take the boys to Ethel M. (Which was a blast, and I will post about it later.) I have been working twelve hour days for the past month, and when I sit back and look at it, I've accomplished a lot (work & money wise). But I've really been lacking in the friends department. Which is something that has always been super important to me, so for me to give up just-like-that, is kind of a big deal.

Anyways, that's not the point of this post. The point of this post is to wish you and yours a Merry Christmas! (Or whatever holiday you might celebrate/ or not celebrate.) I however, celebrate Christmas and the most important part of Christmas is reading the story of Christ's birth. So, I thought I'd post it here, so you can read it and remember the true meaning of the Christmas season. I am so grateful for my Savior. I'm grateful for his love, his sacrifice, and his character. I am grateful that he is patient and long-suffering, and is never anxious with me. He loves ME and I couldn't be luckier.

(I copy and pasted the story from LDS.ORG which is copied from Luke 2 in the King James version of the Holy Bible)

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed. (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.) And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:) To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.

And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us. And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger. And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.

And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart. And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.

Weird Little Things

2011-12-22T18:44:00.000-08:00

The weirdest little things happen to me. I swear, I am a magnet for uncomfortable and weird things. Let the list begin...

- The bug bite. - Okay, so about a month ago I woke up (after cleaning my sheets the night before) and had a huge bug bite on my leg. What the heck?! I just washed my sheets, how did I get a bug bite? Whatever, I'll just ignore it and it will go away soon. NEGATIVE. TWO WEEKS LATER... it's super itchy, and has a big white top to it. So, of course I pop it. Now it feels like a bruise. For the next two weeks I continue to pop it, let all the nasty stuff out, and clean it. I could feel it every-where I walked. It was a huge red mark, so I didn't want to wear skirts or anything, because it looked horrible. It finally stopped growing, and doesn't hurt anymore. But it was super painful for a while.

- The cough. - I'm not really sick. It's not contagious, and it didn't last all day, at first. I got this horrible cough about three weeks ago, and it just wouldn't go away. This cough is horrible, it's mucus galore and I can barely breathe without feeling like my heart is vibrating in my chest.
** The cough that lead to the choking....** This cough has been so dabilitating that I have been randomly choking. The air catches in my throat, and because of the mucus build up, I start to choke. This has happened TWICE in public. I'm not just talking, "air went down the wrong pipe." I'm talkin', "HOLY CRAP that girl is dieing!!". The first time it happened was in relief society. I had to walk out of class and try and catch my breath. And of course, as soon as I walk out there is a group of guys standing RIGHT THERE. Embarassing. Everyone thought I was dieing. The second time, was at Lauren's wedding. I had to go outside to the court yard and it took me about 20 minutes to feel okay again. Not to mention I dry heaved and almost threw up. (Disgusting, I KNOW!)

- Slamming my thumb in the door. - Speaking of Lauren's wedding... that same night I slammed my thumb in the bathroom stall door. I sat at a table with a glass of water to my thumb for about fifteen minutes. It was ridiculous, not to mention it totally ruined my dancing session.

- The heat blister. - So, I had some mad cramps last night and I decided to use the heating pad while I slept. I've used it multiple times with no complications, so I assumed it would be fine. I set it to a level three and went to sleep. When I woke up in the morning... I had a BLISTER on my thigh! WHAT THE CRAP?! It hurt really bad, and it was pretty decent size. (About the size of a silver dollar.) I called my Mom in my room for her to look at it, and we both came to the conclusion that it was from the heating pad. How on earth does that happen? I mean, it has never happened before, and I've slept with that thing on so many times! Only me.

- The weird scalp thing.- About a year ago, I noticed these weird bumps on my scalp. I told my mom about them, and we went to the doctor. The doctor gave me some medication for them that didn't really work, and after I while I figured out that if I just switched my shampoo and conditioner on a regular basis, it wouldn't act up so much. The past three months it has seemed like it went away, but I couldn't get that lucky... no. It's back, and with a vengance. It hurts so bad sometimes, that I want to just shave my head. I switched my shampoos and everything, but it's not going away. I would go to the dermatologist, but it costs $50 dollars. Not to mention that whatever perscription they might give me would probably cost a pay-check or two. If it gets really, really, bad, I will go. (hahaha I'm not that smart am I?)

All in all, the weirdest stuff happens to me. I mean, it's little stuff, but it's crazy. When I tell people about my "little things" they look at me like I just got out of the mental hospital. I hope this was entertaining! If you have something weird, let me know... I 'd love to hear your stories!

Videos I Love

2011-12-15T08:49:00.000-08:00

Here are a few youtube video's that I am just LOVING right now!

Batman Jammies. Such a good video! I love these two together!

The Tale of Ben and Jackie. My goodness, I could listen to this over and over again.

Early Christmas Present! I'm laughing so hard! Holy heck.

Kid History Christmas. LOVE IT! "I can't stop, it's part of my habitat!"

I Could Be Dead

2011-12-14T11:42:00.000-08:00

Right now, It's the middle of the week. Which wouldn't really mean anything, except for this week is a really busy week. So by naming this post, I could be dead, I have alluded to the fact that I am very busy this week. I decided on Friday of last week that when I asked to work all week at my morning job, that I would. So... I purposefully didn't take a day off this week, and am working about 63 hours.

Just a random old picture, for no reason.

I also offered to have one of my greatest friends, bachelorette party at my house on Saturday, and make dinner and mocktails. Her wedding is on the 20th, and we will be very busy getting ready for it. SO my next break, will be Christmas. Let's just hope it's not too busy!

By the way, I am so glad I am doing all of this. It's good to work hard, and play hard, and have fun. So I am really happy for these times in my life. Don't get me wrong and don't think I'm complaining. Just, if you see me, check my pulse. Because I could be dead right now. DEAD GIRL WALKING! THANKS! hahaha

My Pinterest-Wedding

2011-12-13T10:32:00.000-08:00

The other day I went crazy on Pinterest planning my Pinterest-Wedding. I know, I know, I'm not even dating anyone! But a girl has GOT to dream. I found a few really awesome things that I liked. I thought I would put them on here, so that one day, I can look back on what I wanted. The colors I am digging right now are Pink, Navy, and Cream with a touch of green in the flowers.

The Invitations:

I love these Save the Dates. I would probably just do these, with all the detailed information on the back. They are meant to look like a book cover. Which I think is really neat.

Engagement Photos:

I LOVE these engagement photos. I like photos that are real and not too posed. So these are perfect.

The Ring:

I already post about this, but I will post it again, because I am SO IN LOVE! I mean, whatever ring he gives me will be perfect, but this is my dream.

The Dress:

I can't decide which I like better, I'm leaning towards the lace. BUT these are my choices for a dress. I love them both so much. I like how slimming they are, and how they look sort of vintage, without going overboard. I used to really want a long-sleeved dress, but I'm not so sure anymore.

The Groom:

I love this look for the groom, except I would rather have a cream colored shirt, with a pink tie.

Bridesmaids, Flowers & Cake:

My sisters will be my only bridesmaids. Because I'm cool like that, and because they will always be my friends and I will always love them. I really like those dresses too. But it's really just to show they will be in navy.

My favorite flowers are peonies, if you couldn't tell. I LOVE that bouquet so, so much!

I love the flowers from the first cake, but on the second cake. With navy blue "ribbon" instead of the light blue.

The flowers for the place setting, and the colors is what I really love. I don't want to do a stark white though, so the chairs and striped table-cloth aren't my favorite. I would rather them be ivory or cream.

The Venue:

Of course my venue of choice for the wedding will be the Las Vegas LDS Temple. I'm not sure what kind of place the reception would be held at, but I do know that I will get married inside this building. Sealed for time and eternity to my love!

So that is my idea for my future wedding. I think it would be really pretty, and very classy!

Wish List

2011-12-12T10:04:00.000-08:00

I've got a good wish-list going. Pinterest is the best/worst website ever, it is so difficult to stay off of it, it has the best stuff! I got most of these pictures from there, so that would be the link for all this cool stuff!

These cute cork wedges from Old Navy. Aren't they adorable?

I really like this necklace. I love elephants (they are a symbol for luck) and I think that this combo is awesome!

This is my dream engagement ring. It is exactly what I want. I love it. It's only 3 grand! hahaha

This is a painting by Leonid Afremov, which I would love to have in my home.I love all the colors.

I'm in love with this bag. It is gorgeous, and the perfect color.

This watch is PERFECT. Thin, black, and not too flashy. Love it!

It's a pretty short wish list, but it is a very expensive wish list. I am pretty sure that everything on the list costs over $100. What can I say? I have good taste!

Feel His Love

2011-12-11T08:05:00.000-08:00

I don't feel him around anymore.

When I wake up in the morning and plant my feet onto the ground, there is a stillness that chills my bones, and makes me feel hollow inside. I walk to the kitchen and pour water into a mug for my tea and put it in the microwave. With the click of the latch, nothing happens. "I forgot to pray" I think, as I push the tea bag down into the bottom of the mug with a spoon. (Why I'm even drinking tea, is beyond me.) "I'm already up, I'll just pray in my head." I walk around the house thanking God for my family and the clothes on my back, and then I realize the time. Work, it's time for work. "What should I wear today?" and the moment of gratitude is over.

The day begins with nothing more than a thank you, and he is no where to be found. He must not want to be with me. (I lie to myself.) I don't deserve it anyway. (Another lie.) How abominable we humans are to deject our Father, our life-source, and float throughout our day weightless and numb. I know that, but I still can't seem to face the truth.

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I started my mission papers two months ago. Believing with all my heart that this was my moment, my time. I knew God lived, I knew he loved me, and I knew without a doubt, that I was to serve a mission. It does not surprise me as much as it hurts me, to be held back. To feel unworthy, unhappy and truly depressed. How can this happen now? Why do I feel this way? What is the point in all of this?

Part of me knows and trusts the judgement of God. That same part knows that I'm not doing my part, and my lack of effort is what is hindering this. The other part, the human part. It doesn't care, it doesn't understand. It is a screaming four year old child, laying face down on the ground, crying into the carpet. "This is not fair!"

There are moments when I think, maybe I should see a counselor or a doctor. Maybe this is an illness. So many people deal with depression, and you hear about it constantly in the news, on TV. Maybe that is what this is. The feeling that no matter what, you won't be good enough. The constant nagging and guilt when you don't do something as well as you know you could have. Or that empty hollow feeling, which makes you feel like you have nothing inside your skeleton. But that's not me. I'm not depressed! I am just having a hard time... Aren't I?

In the end, when the dust settles, and I throw out my pride, things are better. It's easier to get through the day-to-day. I take the time to say a meaningful prayer to my Father in Heaven and peace comes to my soul. I start to feel my heart beat within my chest, and the blood coursing through my veins. I'm alive, I know it, I'm more than just a skeleton... and better yet; I start to feel him around me again, as though he never left. Then a soft whisper speaks to my heart, I never did, I never will.

Newlywed Christmas by Taylor Reeves

2011-12-09T00:41:00.000-08:00

This week we have a post done by one of my awesome friends, Taylor. Taylor and I met in Provo and we became friends through visiting teaching. Taylor is one of the nicest, coolest, and most interesting girls I have ever met. She has stories and experiences that are so amazing. She is a newlywed, and she married Lance, (another friend of mine from Provo) they are the CUTEST couple ever. She writes a blog over HERE. Make sure to check it out! Thanks for the post Taylor!

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Last year Lance & I were engaged but we couldn't spend Christmas together. I went thousands of miles home to plan the wedding & Lance stayed here to work & work & work.

We're so excited for our First Christmas together!

Here are just a few things (5 to be exact) that we love about Christmas.

1. Christmas trees. This year we bought ourselves a real live Christmas tree! It's the most perfect tree in the whole world. One--because it's live & two--because it's 6 feet tall & didn't break the bank! I lovingly call it our "Charlie Brown Christmas tree" because it has those two planks of wood nailed to the bottom. It looks so magical with the lights & ornaments. It just makes the whole house seem so cozy & Christmas-y. Lance rearranged the whole living room so the tree would have the most ideal location. Le sigh.

2. Christmas lights. We love Christmas lights so much that they are strung around our bedroom all year long. I love walking around neighborhoods & shopping centers & Temple Square in SLC admiring all the lights. There is something so peaceful about the lights; so hopeful. Magic, magic, magic. Lance & I have made many December date plans that revolve around Christmas lights. We love to drive to the snazzier neighborhoods & admire their bling. I always request a hot chocolate run before/during/afterwards.

3. Giving gifts. Lance is in for a surprise this year. I love giving gifts--thinking about what to get for people, imagining how much they'll like it, wrapping it up & putting under the tree; just waiting for the 25th to roll around so I can see their face as they open their gifts. Yes, I am intense. It takes a good while to open gifts when I am around.

4. Hot chocolate. [See reason #2 for an example.] I know that hot chocolate isn't strictly a Christmas thing but it's one of my favorite parts. Back home my mom used to crank up the air con to make it "cold" so we could all sit around in blankets drinking hot chocolate & watching What a Wonderful Life. Lance has this fancy schmancy hot chocolate maker that heats up the milk perfectly. It's hard not to guzzle down a whole gallon in one sitting. Yes, that may have happened at one point. No, we do not regret it.

5. Family traditions. Lance & I are excited to combine our family traditions & make up some of our own. I made us stockings. We're planning a delicious, romantic Christmas dinner. We plan to stay up late Christmas Eve watching classic Christmas movies & sleep in Christmas day. We are looking forward to spending the holiday together doing whatever we want. It's exciting to have the freedom to make this holiday totally our own. It is also nice to incorporate the traditions we had growing up. There'll be the Reeves Family Christmas Eve dinner & the Smith Family Christmas Eve pajamas. There might even be a gift from Santa. Fingers crossed!

Serendipity 3 - Happy Birthday Macrae!

2011-12-06T08:30:00.000-08:00

The other night, I went with a few girlfriends of mine to Serendipity 3 on the strip. If you've never heard of Serendipity it is probably one of the better restaurants/ice cream places ever. It is really cute, and super fun. They are famous for their "Frrrozen Hot Chocolate". I had never been before, and it was well worth going.

I got the Oreo Frrrozen Hot Chocolate, and it was delish! They are HUGE and are big enough to share, just a regular size, but who would do that? Not us!

I love nights like this night. Just hanging out with girl-friends. I'm not the best at having girl-friends, because well.. I just can't take the drama. But sometimes, you can find some girls who are just true gems, and that is when it's good! We had a great time sitting around the table talking about what we are doing with our lives, boys, horrible dates, and birthdays.

We went out to the strip because it is my friend Macrae's (muh- cray)birthday weekend. She moved to San Francisco a month or so ago, and things have been quiet without her. She is one of the most adventurous and sweet people I have ever met! LOVE HER! So, Happy Birthday Macrae! I love you and your china-doll hands, I hope all of your wildest dreams come true! <3

Dear Prospective Boyfriend

2011-12-05T11:34:00.000-08:00

Dear Prospective Boyfriend,

It's been a while, a long while. I haven't written you, because well.. life hasn't been good to me lately. So I didn't feel like I should showcase those attributes to you. People say that you should always be your "best" and I'm not really sure where my best has gone. I just love you. Wait what?

I want you to know that I have faults. I am very impatient. I can get really angry, and be really sassy. I never want you to see me angry, but alas, I'm sure it will happen. I've got this problem with cussing, that I just can't seem to kick. I hope you understand that I'm trying, and that I need all the help I can get.

I fight. I fight with my Mom, I fight with my co-workers, I fight with myself. I don't know why I do it, and I feel so stupid after the argument is over. I rant and rave and am really dramatic about almost everything. When I know deep in my heart that I can be someone so different from that, but sometimes the bad parts in me stay on the surface, blocking the good from coming forward.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because I am hoping, crossing my fingers and wishing, praying, pleading... that you will understand and you won't cut me from your list because of these things. I wish I could say that, "I'm trying so hard" to fix my faults, but I'm having trouble with that too. So, if you're okay with it, I will make you a deal.

I will help you with what you need help with. I will encourage you, have faith in you, and do whatever is in my power to lift you up. And in return, you will do the same. I believe it is a fair trade. We can work on the specifics though, before you sign anything.

Still waiting..
Yours,
Shelby

Christmas Traditions by Jordan Griffith

2011-12-03T10:22:00.000-08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

I am really excited about the special guest posts I have planned for this month. Christmas time is my favorite time of year, and I wanted to get a view of everyone's favorite things about Christmas. So, I asked a few people to post once a week about their favorite things about Christmas, and traditions they love. Today my sister Jordan has been kind enough to help us out. I love her, and I hope you will to! Enjoy!

* * *

(Jordan & her little family last Christmas)

It's Christmas time! I haven't always been the biggest fan of christmas. But this year my baby just turned one, and I'm excited to start to new traditions in my new family. Traditions around the holidays are so much fun, it always gives you something to look forward to.

Every year Ross and I always decorate a gingerbread house. I'm not going to lie and tell you I do most of the decorating, Ross does and he is dang good at it. We always have a good time once we get started. I love to watch Ross build the house, he has the best ideas on how to piece stuff together to keep from falling apart.

We watch Christmas movies together. Home Alone 1 and 2 are pretty much our favorites. We laugh so hard during those movies. I mean who doesn't laugh when the two guys get knocked down the stairs by the paint cans? Classic. This year we will add in Frosty the snowman and Rudolph for baby Ryan.

One of the things I'm looking most forward to this year is looking at the Christmas lights with Ryan. He is noticing them a little as we drive down the street. But I know once we go around to the neighborhoods that are all decorated he is going to love it!

This year we are going to make Christmas sugar cookies! I'm super excited about that. I think as Ryan gets older he will probably look forward to this one the most. Helping cut out the shapes and frosting the cookies. And of course sampling.

Recently I saw a picture with a teenage brother and sister sitting on Santa's lap. At first I thought creepy. But then my motherly instincts kicked in and I almost started to cry. It must be pretty amazing to have a picture of those two together every year on Santa's lap. To look back and see how much they have grown up over the year.

Traditions are an important part of every home. The Christmas season is a time for us to celebrate Christ and remember what its like to be a child. One day Ryan will understand why we do special things around this time of year. He will remind me that we haven't baked sugar cookies yet and we really need to get on it.

* * *
Thanks Jordan! Jordan's blog is private, so you won't get the joy of reading her blog posts, but you can always go back in my archives and read more about her, just click on the label; My Awesome Sister Jordan. Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!!

Goodnight Moon

2011-12-02T08:00:00.000-08:00

"Our hearts are heavy burdens we shouldn't have to bear alone." - Go Radio

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Gosh. Some times it is so hard to be single, and be alone in this big ole' world. All you want is someone to hold your hand and help you face the day. Someone who will back you up, no matter what. Now, I'm not sure how exactly a marriage works, but I know that love and encouragement are part of it. When you have those moments in your day when you feel like giving up, it must be so wonderful to go home to someone who won't just tell you to suck-it-up, but will help you figure it out.

I was watching a video the other day of this couple who were singing a song together. At the end of the song there are bloopers and the guy is just so in love with this girl, so in love. You can see it in his face, in the way he talks to her and laughs with her. She does a little dance towards the end and he just busts up laughing and says, "Your little dance was SO CUTE!" My heart just ached for something like that. Someone to love me at my dorkiest, craziest times.

It hurts my heart sometimes to look on my Facebook and see tens and twenties of engagements and relationships. It hurts because, it makes me think what is wrong with me? Of course, the excuse I use is, "It's just not my time." But, in reality when is there a good time to find love? Is there ever really a season for it? Who know's, I mean, I sure don't. The truth is, "Our hearts are heavy burdens we shouldn't have to bear alone." We weren't meant to live this life alone. It's true. And often times, I catch myself realizing that I can't carry my heavy heart alone. I can't do it. When will the time come, that I won't have to do it by myself anymore?

If you are married, or in a relationship, please oh please don't take your love for granted. Because no matter what, life is better lived with someone else. Sure being single can be fun, and liberating... but the real good times, come when you share them with someone else.

These Are My Confessions Part II

2011-11-29T08:08:00.000-08:00

I do believe it is time for another anonymous confession booth.

I couldn't find any good quotes or inspiration to share with you on this one. But I do hope you still take a moment, and get things off your chest.

Confess something funny, sad, angry, anything you want! Just make sure to click anonymous when you do!

CONFESS AWAY!

Click Here to check out the confessions from last time!

Spiritually Getting By The Worth of Souls; Essentials

2011-11-28T09:32:00.000-08:00

There comes a moment when you have to sit yourself down, and hash things out. You can't keep going on like you have been, and enough is enough. Despite what you might think, your life isn't yours and it doesn't deserve to be treated with such disrespect. God gave it to you, and it is the greatest gift you will ever recieve. The way I see it, we have been given this life like a mother is given a child. Her sole purpose it to nurture, direct, and love that child. We are to do the same for ourselves.

Often times I take for granted my life, my body, my spirit. I don't take my medication, I wait too long to get my hair done, I don't wash my face at night. I go to sleep instead of reading my scriptures, I pray without purpose. All of these things are small but essential. How do we let these things go? How do we get so lazy that we can't even bother with the ESSENTIALS?

You don't have to be a supermodel to take care of yourself. You don't have to be a general authority, to pray to God daily.

I have trouble with these things. I have trouble with respecting myself. Respecting who I am, who I have always been. I hold back on things that I shouldn't, and I go too far when I should hold back. Life is all about learning. I am learning, but I'm doing it the hard way. I've always been that way, but that is no excuse. A bad habit isn't a good excuse.

What I really want to say is, respect for yourself is so import ant. Know your boundaries, and break down your barriers. God loves you so much, and he wants you to remember who you were and fulfill the dreams you had. He is there to help, what we do with his help is what matters most. We can listen to it without doing anything about it, or we can drink it up the living water that he is, and have eternal life. I heard someone say once, that they wanted to live their life to the fullest, but not like how some view it. Some believe that by living their life to the fullest, they have to get out and drink every night, and not have a care in the world. He however, he didn't want to do that, he wanted to live his life to the fullest by obeying God's commandments, and living a life is praiseworthy.

So when times get tough, and they always will. I can look back on this, and remember what I learned. I can remember that, I am a daughter of God and that I have great worth, even when I feel like I'm not good enough. I need to step up and do better, and writing it out, helps me do that.

The Holidays

2011-11-27T09:53:00.000-08:00

What am I looking forward to this Holiday season? I'm looking forward to a lot of different things...

Going to see Ethel M Chocolate Factory with my nephews. I'm planning on taking them in a week or so. They have a cactus garden outside that they decorate in over half a million Christmas lights!
The Nativity. I go every year, and Christmas wouldn't be the same without seeing it.
Magical Forest! I need to ride that train, and see Santa
Sunny 106.5 Christmas lights at the Speedway. I hear they are better than normal this year.
The Driscoll's house. They go all out with disney cut-outs every year. There might be a chance that they aren't going to do it this year, but I really hope they do.
There is a house in my area that has their lights synced to a radio station that plays Christmas music. It is FANTASTIC! I love sitting outside in my car and just watching the show. Plus, it's free.
I really want to go to Salt Lake, my friend Matthew was talking about going and I remembered I went last year for the Christmas Devotional, and I would LOOOVE to go again.
Mount Charleston, I really want to go up to the Lodge and have Hot Chocolate and play in the snow. Maybe New Years?
Building gingerbread houses with my boys, and making sugar cookies with my Mom and sisters.
Service. I want to get a group of friends together and go down to the homeless shelter and pass out food and such. I think that it would be great to do, and a good way to spend time with people.

As you can see, I have a lot to look forward to this Holiday season. It is quite possibly my last Christmas with my family for a year or two. Which is crazy to think about! I'm just so lucky to have the friends and family I have, and I hope I can cross all of these things off my list. What are you looking forward to doing this Holiday season? Any big plans?? What are your traditions?

Memories

2011-11-26T13:06:00.001-08:00

Do you ever have those moments when you just want to swim back in time and just live in a moment forever? I have a million moments like that. One I always go back to is a night in Salt Lake walking around on a warm summer night under the dim lights of Memorial Park.

Or when I was on the church history tour just outside of the sacred grove, walking down this dirt path onto solemn, sacred ground. I walked around in amazement at the peace that was there, and couldn't wish for a better graduation gift.

I would love to live in moments like a few weeks ago when me and two friends grabbed hot chocolate from the corner store and drove out to the end of the road and stood in the desert talking about anything and everything.

How about that day in high school when I ditched seminary to kiss a boy who at the time, meant the world to me. He was handsome, funny, and he liked me. How could that not be a moment to love? I could repeat that day over and over.

We don't, however, get the chance to do that. To relive days we loved so much. Some times though, when life is good to us, we can have good days like these again, and we will forever keep those good memories in our hearts to look back on, when life seems bad.

I love memories, and I am so glad that I have mine.

Thanksgiving Thanks

2011-11-24T09:23:00.000-08:00

This year, I am thankful for a lot of things. Every year of my life I find myself thankful for a lot. How could you not be? Even if you have had the worst year of your life, you still could be thankful that it wasn't worse than it was. Not the point though, the point is, I am so THANKFUL. Which is what THANKSGIVING is all about right?! That, and pilgrims. Awe, those cute little pilgrims!

1. I am thankful for my Mom. Some times, I am really mean to my Mom and I don't try to be. HONESTLY. I don't. She deserves the world, she deals with me. The biggest reason I am thankful for my Mom this year is because she has helped me a lot with putting my mission papers in. More than she knows. Love you Mom!

*mission papers*

2. I am thankful for a car that works properly. Throughout the year I have had some minor hiccups with my car, and when everything turns out to be something small, or huge (that my loving FATHER takes care of, THANKS DAD!) I feel so grateful. I can't afford to take car of a clunker car, and I'm grateful I have a car that works well and gets me from point a to b without any interruptions.

3. WORK. I am so thankful for the jobs that I have, and the ones I slide in on the side. A month ago I went in to do some side-work for my friend Nick at the law firm he works for. It turned out to be a second job that I am so grateful to have right now. I need the extra money, and it's a great environment to be in. I also am thankful for my full-time job. No matter how far away it is, I have to remind myself that I was given the opportunity to work there, and that I could NOT have a job, and be poor and not accomplishing the things I am. I AM SO THANKFUL FOR WORK!

4. Things that try my patience. I was planning on having my mission papers in at the beginning of this month, but because of some technical difficulties, they still aren't in. When I first started this process I was all over my bishop trying to get my papers in and done quickly. Then one Sunday I woke up, and just decided that I need to stop and have some patience. I still get impatient, and feel like I'm wasting time, but I know that if I just calm down and ask God for help, I can do anything. That is something I NEED.

5. Last but not least, I am Thankful for my little nephews Ryan and Carter. I am such a lucky girl to have these little boys. They make my life a million times better, and that is the truth. With out them, I wouldn't have HALF the happiness that I have. I love them so much, and I can honestly say that I would do ANYTHING for them. Some times I feel like they are my own kids. Really.

Sports and Activities

2011-11-22T09:03:00.000-08:00

I'm not really that into sports, but I am into activities that help to pass the time while working nights. My job is great, and we normally stay some-what busy during the afternoon. But at night, after six, we slow down to a crawl. So we have a few things to keep us busy. Most nights I work with Justin, so these things are what Justin and I do to pass the time.

First and foremost there is jamming. We jam. We crank up the parts radio with a little bit of country and we sing our hearts out. It's a good time. We dance, we scream at people who don't approve of our awesome country music, and we just have fun.

We play broom-ball. Broom-ball is when you take a few pieces of paper and roll them up into a ball then cover them with packaging tape. Next, you grab a little broom, then you play baseball. It's pretty fun, you just have to make sure not to hit anything fragile.

(A note from Huckabee, signed by his Mom, who is my boss. It was a joke.)

Last night, and I'm sure this will be the last time we do this. I faked like I was throwing a mini-creamer at Justin and he put his hand out to catch it. So I told him to use his hand like a baseball bat to see how far it would go. Not really realizing, until the creamer was mid-air, that it would explode everywhere. It did, all over the service counter. Luckily there weren't any customers around. It was hilarious though! It splattered all over Justin's face and Huckabee, who was sitting behind him. I don't think I've laughed that hard in a while.

Hangman. We played Hangman for the first time last night, and it was hilarious. Justin is actually really good at it, but he freaks out trying to guess letters. He looks like he is in pain trying to figure out what the words are.

Basically, working late nights with a friend is the best. We have a good time, and we get our work done quick. It's great. I will leave you with some quotes that we say on a regular basis.

"Where ya from ya don't know gator!?!"

"How much money do YOU make after taxes?!"

"YeahYeahYeahYeah."

"Fun-SUCKER!"

"Oh yeah, REAL MATURE!" (said in an english accent)

"Mother, Mary, Martha Stewart!"

"What's wrong with you?" - always said to Mike. Because Mike is weird.

"I'm going to take your mother for a nice steak dinner, then NEVER call her again!"

This one is just for fun...

"HEY LITTLE GIRL! I don't like cherry, it upsets my stomach!"

Favorites

2011-11-19T12:24:00.001-08:00

Some of my favorite things:

Favorite color: Yellow! I love bright yellow's, mustard yellow's, orangey yellow's. Every kind of yellow is a yellow I love!

Favorite food: Fried zucchini from Maggiano's.

Favorite song: Right now, Call Your Girlfriend originally by Robyn but redone by Erato. It's amazing. That, and The Lower Light's Christmas Album that I just bought this morning. I have it playing in the background as I type this, and I can't wait to get in my car and blast it.

Favorite movie: Holiday: ELF. I just realized how much I love that movie after watching it last weekend. I could watch it a million times, at any time of year. So funny! Regular: BABY MAMA. I have seen this movie more than 20 times. It is the funniest movie of all time. "My girl rocks? My girl does not rock! My girl is a divorce-a!"

Favorite Holiday: Christmas of course. Christmas has the best music, the best movies, the best spirit. It is the greatest holiday of all time.

Favorite car: I've got a favorite older car, and a favorite new car. I really love 1970 Ford Bronco's. The newer car I like this the Jetta Wagon. I'm a grandma, and love a station wagon. :)

Favorite candy: I really like the chocolate covered orange sticks, and midnight milkyway bars. SO YUMMY!

All these pictures were taken off of pinterest.com

Replace It.

2011-11-13T18:44:00.001-08:00

Something I learned a while back that came to my thoughts today was; if you want to get rid of a bad habit or sin, you can't just stop doing it. If you really want to get rid of a bad habit or sin, you have to replace it with something good.

I have a horrible time focusing when I pray. I probably pray in earnest, for two minutes total a day. Because once I get on my knees, my heart lifts out of my chest and I feel like I can't say anything of importance. I used to have a really good system for prayer. I would set the alarm on my phone for three minutes, and I would focus on praying for those three minutes. When the alarm went off, I could keep going, or I could stop. The choice was mine, and I gave it my best effort to focus. I'm not exactly sure why I stopped doing that.

I have a bad habit of saying mean things that I don't mean. Like telling people I will punch them, or saying stupid stuff. I guess it's supposed to be funny, but in the long run it just makes me more violent. I tend to think more negatively when I talk in that way, and then my day is ruined because I drew myself into a corner. Often times I find myself in this corner because I try to fit in with the people I talk to. Something I need to work on is humbling myself enough to not gossip, talk badly, make fun of, or bring down other people. This happens a lot at work because (this is a horrible excuse) that is just "how we are". Who ever said that I needed to do that too?

The whole point in being a Latter-Day Saint is to follow the example of Christ, and lately I am finding that harder and harder to do. I want so badly to be more like my Savior, I mean I'm planning on serving a mission, but to do that I really need to change a lot about how I interact with others. I'm rude, brash, unkind, and that needs to end.

In church today one of the speakers said something that I found enlightening. "Do not get off the boat before you reach your destination." Seems logical right? Often times I find myself trying to stretch ahead without all the preparation. JUST THROW ME IN THE GAME! I yell. But God doesn't appease me. Thankfully. He takes me by the arm, and sits me back down and tells me, "Do not get off the boat before you reach your destination." Heavenly Father knows how to prepare people. I mean, if you take a look in the scriptures you will find tons of examples.

Moroni was stuck wandering alone in the wilderness for YEARS because of all the fighting, and death. He was alone for so long, but during that time he wrote some of the greatest and most important chapters of the Book of Mormon. Chapters where we are tested to pray to God to know if the book is true, and to find for ourselves the truth of it. If Moroni had gotten off the boat before he had reached his destination, there would be no great promise. "And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost." (Moroni 10:4)

So even though, I have a horrible time with prayer, speak unkindly to others, and need to work on SO many things. I know that if I trust in God that I will be able to get rid of my bad habits and replace them with new, better habits, that will help me grow closer to Christ. Because I know, and I've learned this the hard way, that if you just delete something from your life, without filling the gap, there will always be a space there for it to come back. Don't let bad things come back, don't feed the bad wolf. Change yourself, change your attitude, and replace the bad with the good.

Pumpkin Carving Contest 2011

2011-11-06T09:27:00.000-08:00

Over Halloween weekend I hosted the 3rd Annual Pumpkin Carving Contest. It was FANTASTIC! We had such a good turn out, and a really good time! I think this was the funnest one yet. Some people didn't carve pumpkin's but they still came and had a good time. I put out the corn-hole game, and turned on the fire pit, so there was lots to do. Here are the pictures!

Jordan cut the top's off the pumpkins this year, because she is so good at cutting "tops off" hahaha.

The only decorations I had were some hand-made ghosts and this string of garland. I was really busy this year.

Me and Jordan before everyone got there.

The ghosts and a spider in the bushes. haha LAME.

Group One, carving away!

Group two!

I decided to carve Frankenstein this year, because my little baby nephew was going to be Frank for his Halloween costume. It looks a lot better in the dark, as you will see below. His nose fell off and I had to put it back together with a toothpick.

My brother Sawyer decided to try to win over my Dad with an alcohol themed pumpkin. It didn't work. (My Dad was supposed to be the judge, but he went to bed early, and Janaye and Dallan chose the winner.)

Steve-O and Dilly Dally playing a little corn-hole. The boys loved this game!

Ross and Jordan after they carved their pumpkins.

Me and two of the cutest girls ever! I love Julia and Alia they are the best!

hahah oh jeez. My friends are fantastic.

Janaye and I. I love her!

My brother Sawyer and I. He is a nerd-bomber.

Jared, Ashlee and I .

The love of my life. Parker. Too bad he won't love me back! ;) haha

Dallan and I. He is cheating his height, this boys is tall!

My new friend David and I. (I'm pretty sure his name is David. hahaha I am so bad with names sometimes.)

Steve-O and I. He is the greatest!

This was the winning pumpkin. SO CLEVER! It's carved in the front, and the back.

All of the pumpkins! Looking great!

My pumpkin in the dark. Much better!

Vanessa's brother carved the tooth pumpkin. This is him with his winning creation!

This isn't everyone who came, but it's a good portion.

Me and all my friends with the pumpkins!

Me and Frank. We are the bomb.

Time to Recover

2011-11-05T08:55:00.000-07:00

Wow. If I could wrap this past week up and put it in a box, then send it to Egypt... I totally would. It was a ridiculous week. I think I might have cried from stress over-load, more this week, than any week in my lifetime. Why does that happen? Why do we have to have a breaking point? I just want to be strong and solid forever. People say that crying is good for you, but they also say it makes you weak. Which is it? Because after finishing this week, I don't feel like Wonder Woman. I feel like I just got hit by a train and am still trying to recover.

Tomorrow is Sunday though, and Sunday is always a good day. Such a good way to recover. I am so blessed to be able to go to church in the Singles Ward, and to have the calling that I have. I look forward to bearing testimony, teaching my lesson, and learning from others.

(I put this picture up, because it's super cold today, and I want to remember the warmth of the beach.)

Utah Is The Best

2011-11-01T09:31:00.000-07:00

There is something incredibly comforting about Utah. It could be the air... I'm pretty positive it is the air. You can suck it in and automatically feel one hundred times better.

I don't think, that I can accurately describe my all-encompassing love for Utah. It may very well be, my favorite place on earth. And I've been places! More than fifteen different states, and Canada. I'm going to try and describe, and bring feeling to my reasons behind it.

I stepped outside of Quimbly Cottage on a oddly cool summer evening. The warmth of the day had been swept away by a cold breeze, the ground felt like it was melting underneath my bare feet. In Utah, there is no immediate need for shoes. Every concrete sidewalk seems to be uprooted by trees; an adventure to walk, to explore the terrain of quiet, vintage, suburbia. Tree lined streets, grass covered sidewalks, worn asphalt and invisible crosswalks. Everything just blends in, one with the other. Every place you go feels like home. The unfamiliar feels familiar, before you even meet it. Snow covered pathways, gravel roads, paved streets lined with vendors and carnival rides, every season is accounted for.

Provo is just as enchanting. The streets are better paved, the city is a little more sprawling. But what makes it magnificent is it's sense of community. It's see-a-stranger-smile-and-wave attitude. The endless options for dinner, from Communal to Spicy Thai, the variety is out of this world. The night time in Utah is like nothing else, the constant smell of campfire and trees or snowflakes and hot chocolate (How? Is beyond me). When you walk in the dark night, shivering or sweltering, you see the beauty of the land peek out from around the closed stores, and dark windows.

Nothing can beat it. Nothing can replace it. The busy city nights in Salt Lake, the silver/blue glow that comes from the capitol building. The white light enhancing the stone of the Temple, the deep yellow of the lamp-posts lining the streets. Oh it is wonderful! I could spend all my days walking the streets of Utah.

All in all, this great state of America is my favorite. It's the best place to be, and I just wanted to let everyone know that it's fantastic. The End.

Two Brothers and Things I Need to Remember

2011-10-30T21:54:00.000-07:00

I wanted to write about something before I forgot about it. So here it is...

Tonight I was watching BYU-TV, and on it there was this show called Two Brothers in 5,000 Days or something like that. It is a show about two brothers, and their journey through life together and separate. It starts out when they are little and goes through until they are on their missions.

Anyways, in the video there is footage of the older brother while he was on his mission in Chile. It was so amazing to see. He talked about everything that happened to him during the mission, the people he met and the miracles he saw. Before he went on his mission he was depressed, and felt like nothing he did would make life good. He found his happiness through prayer, and through serving the Lord. Still, he was a very sensitive person and he thought that his sensitivity was a weakness. So when he went on his mission he had trouble with that. With attaching himself to people, and getting horrible reactions from people. Some things he said really struck a cord in me and I want to remember them.

When you teach people about the gospel, and when you talk to people, pretend as though they are your family. This person is someone's Aunt or Uncle, Grandma or Grandpa, Brother or Sister. If they were your family member, how would you treat them? Treat them in that way. You need to learn to love everyone and to be honest with them about what you are feeling.

It doesn't matter if you lose everything you have. You can lose your house, your car, have no possessions and live in poverty. But if you have the gospel of Jesus Christ, you have everything.

Be thankful for what you have. Realize also that others in worse situations have more faith than you, and put that faith into action daily. Learn from these people, and open your heart to God.

There are people on your mission who are just for you. Who are put there at that time, for you to meet them. People who need to hear from you, who need to rebuke you, who need to compliment you. There are so many different reasons for all of them, but their purpose is great and you will gain knowledge from them.

All that being said, I just want to say... a mission for me, is so scary. I'm so scared. But I know the Lord will take care of me and my family. I know that if I do MY PART, and leave the rest to him, he will provide for me. It scares me, the possibility of going somewhere that is so harsh and so foreign. The thing is though, that it's not about the PLACE it's about the PEOPLE, and if I want to serve a mission, I need to learn to love everyone I come in contact with. Because on a mission, you aren't out sight-seeing or visiting luxury hotels. You are working. The Law of Life is to Work. When we think we have done all we can do, we need to do more. It's tiring, it's hard, and it's overwhelming. But the outcome of hard-work is always and I mean ALWAYS happiness.

Laced Together, Torn Apart

2011-10-29T13:51:00.000-07:00

I walked into the room and could automatically feel his eyes searching my face. I knew he was there somewhere, a friend had told me he was coming, because I was aware of his presence my facial expressions became over-exaggerated. I lengthened my stride while I walked, and I avoided making eye contact with him. As I came up to a semi-circle of friends, I folded my arms across my chest, my fingers digging tightly to my biceps. The last time we saw each other, I was standing the same way in a dimly lit parking lot. We were saying goodbye and I was trying to be encouraging. "Things will be great," I said, kicking the air, "you will have so much fun!" When in my head I was actually on my knees begging him not to go. I had finally found someone I was one-hundred percent comfortable with, and he was leaving.

So as I stood there half-listening to my friends quoting youtube videos, I was chanting to myself; "Don't look! Forget he is here! Laugh really loud and seem super happy!" Of course in reality I was happy. His leaving didn't crush my world, but it did send me reeling for a couple of weeks. I just wanted him next to me, and from what I knew, that wasn't a crime, to want. From time to time I remembered the fun we had and thought, "Why couldn't it last? What was so wrong with me being completely happy?" God doesn't make mistakes. He has a plan, and I have true faith in that plan. I just sometimes don't really understand it. And I say that because God is in everything, and I'm not afraid or shy to talk about him in this type of context. He is the shaper of my destiny. What happened next was unexpected, really unexpected.

I started to tell a story about a video I saw and just as the words were coming out of my mouth he appeared at my side. "Sam!" I shouted, much louder than was necessary. He slid his arm around my waist and pulled me into him. I fit directly into the shape of him. I was immediately sheltered by his stature, we fit perfectly together. He swept his other arm around the other side of me and embraced me in a full bear hug. For a moment, I was stiff, then I succumbed to his hold, and rested my head just across his shoulder and collar bone. "I missed you so much." he said, loud enough for everyone to hear, "Where have you been all my life!" An exaggeration lightly used between the two of us. I couldn't really find the words to say, but suddenly words didn't matter anymore. I was a mute, and lovingly so.

Time went into fast forward. We walked around the room mingling with different friends. My arm around his waist, his arm over my shoulder, our outside hands meeting in the middle, laced together tight. He spoke to each and every one of our friends. Telling them all how much he missed me. I held tightly to him wearing what I'm sure was the biggest, dorkiest, smile on my face. I felt like I dropped into a fairytale. Moments later we were walking down a familiar street, listening to the sprinklers switch on and off. We spoke little, and if we did we talked only about silly things like food network and spartan verse ninja wars. There wasn't a dire need to talk about the time and space that separated us prior to this night. We had it all right then, and we weren't about to waste our time talking about sadness.

Then, just as quickly as the time sped up to this moment, it reversed. We were walking backwards, through the park our words jumbled up in reverse order. We stood in our group of friends, hands were unlacing, arms separating, the space between was getting greater. I walked backwards out of the room I had walked forward into. My subsiding fears rose again into great waves of panic and stress and I heard a small chirping coming from the dark space in time I had fallen into. My eyes felt like they were glued shut, and when I finally opened them again I looked up to see the ceiling of my room. Just as I had left it, when I drifted off to sleep.

Sideways

2011-10-27T11:05:00.000-07:00

It's not like I'm trying to neglect my blog. I really am not trying... I just have been so incredibly busy this past week. I haven't really had time to just sit and think, let alone write a true blog post. I've got lots of ideas about what to write, but nothing too solid to put into type.

I have been working on my mission papers. I started my paperwork on the 13th of October and if all goes well today, I will have them turned in by November 1st. GOSH. Time went by so fast, I was so super busy. There is no other way to explain the past two weeks other than, busy. I've worked double shifts every day, I've gone to doctors and dentist appointments, I've spent money out the ying-yang (for said doctors visits). People asked me how my weekend was at work this week, I told them.. I don't know, I don't remember it. Because unless I try really hard, I actually can't.

(The picture I'm using for my Mission Papers)

Things are looking sideways. (You know, instead of UP.) Everything is distorted into a time-frame for me right now, I can't really describe it.

All I can really say right now for sure is that, I am tired and that.... I know without doubt that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is true. I have questions, but not doubts. I know that Christ lives, he died for my sins and sorrows. I know that before this life here on earth I battled to protect this great plan. I chose this plan, I knew it then, have forgotten it, and am relearning it, step by step. I want everyone I see and meet to know that God loves them, that he cares for THEM individually. I want everyone I see and meet to find the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon, and have that great and precious truth in their life. More than anything, I want people to realize the eternal value of family, you can be with your family forever, isn't that neat??

Man, I'm so excited to go preach the gospel. Just so totally stoked!!!

Life From My iPhone

2011-10-22T10:44:00.000-07:00

Baby Ryan in his carseat on the way somewhere, I'm not sure where.

Waiting in line at the airport in Las Vegas to start my trip to Salt Lake City.

The coolest soda machine ever! It has all the regular sodas, then when you click on a soda you can add different flavors to it. It is so cool. This was at the Noodles & Company in SLC.

Jane & I getting ready on Monday morning.

Cute handles that I love so much from Anthropologie. I want to get them for my dresser.

Little vampires! Such cute boys!

My friend Justin at work was acting crazy, and threw an entire handful of paperclips at me. So I stole his hat and put a bunch of paper-clips all over it! Ha

Cozad sitting under the bench at the Vet the day she was really sick last month.

Cody and I on Cody's first night EVER going to a club! Hello Party Rock at Marquee! I like this picture, because I look older and different than normal, which never happens.

Ryan wearing a fun feather mask at Pottery Barn.

The couch that we are getting for our living room. It comes in this Tuesday. Glory, Glory, Hallelujah for a new couch!

After a week of starting my acne treatment, this is what my face looked like. The lotion they gave me itches my face really bad, and I was putting it to far under my chin so it started to scab. The rest of my face looked like this too. Gross.

Nails by Janaye. She does really cute patterns and such. I love her.

Carter outside the creepy house in our neighborhood. He didn't want me to take this picture. The house is actually pretty creepy. If you can tell, there is a merry-go-round with Zombie babies, and evil babies in a cage. Yeah, it's ridic.

Carter building a garage for his monster trucks in our fort the other weekend. So cute!

A TRUCK FULL OF TORTILLAS! Holy cow it was PACKED.

The new Beetle. I love, love, love this color! So pretty!

Carter drinking a slurpee.

My gas mishap last weekend. It was ridiculous. The price on the sign said 3.54 per gallon. THIS is not 3.54 a gallon!

I accidentally loaded the blurry picture of us, but I'm too lazy to load the other one. This is Blayne and I on the top of sunrise mountain.

Grimaldi's after an evening of shopping with my Mom. I love that place!

An awesome looking, and even better TASTING, cake. My friend Jermanie's Mom made it for me, because he told me her cakes were the best. Obvi, they are.

I had a horrible day on Thursday, and this is proof. I went to the doctor for my physical, got caught up at the Health district, went to the dentist for a root canal, and then worked 7 hours with a numb face. At this point, I was waiting at target for my prescriptions and I was NOT doing well. :/

My Dad's new Truck. It's a Western Star, it's really nice and so tall inside that he can stand up straight! My Dad is about 6 foot 3. NUTSO!

I found my Dad's old cell phone at the office on Friday. Holy cow, that thing is a brick!

I just needed to note how long my hair is! It is getting to be sooooo long. I love it!

Busy

2011-10-19T21:56:00.000-07:00

This week has slowly turned out to be the most jam-packed week of my life. Okay, maybe not my LIFE, but close.

Monday- is my day off, but I need extra cash, soooo say hello to working at my parents office for eight hours. After which I promptly went home to spend time shopping and eating with my Mother. Whom, I love dearly. (Just in case you were wondering)

Tuesday- I woke up early and went to work at a law office putting a mailer together. Two hours later, I drug myself to the dentist office for my missionary check-up. Things aren't looking a hundred percent, and I have to get two fillings and a retreat of a root canal. After that sad news I headed to work, at my regular job.

Wednesday- today was my early day at work. Which means I work at 8 and get off at 5. I sat in traffic for forty-five minutes, then got home to see my little nephew and eat a few bites of dinner before heading back out again to institute. Institute is awesome, as always, and traffic was horrible, which isn't normal but this week I guess it is.

Thursday- tomorrow I have to wake up early, early and get ready for the day. I've got a physical exam at the doctor. Then afterwards I have to run a few errands, including but not limited to; the bank, target, the grocery store, and possibly the mall. Then at 10:40 I have a dentist appointment to see if they CAN retreat my root-canal and hopefully *fingers crossed* they can, because I cannot afford to go to the regular dentist, let alone a specialist. When that torture is over I am headed to work until 8.

Friday- I am working for my parents in the morning until about 12:45 then heading off to work at my job at the car dealership. I'm debating going out to sushi this night like I said I would a couple of days ago, because this week has been so crazy and I have to wake up early for work anyways. We shall see though.

Saturday- I have work early, then after work I plan on spending time with my sister because it is her birthday. Sadly, her husband will be out of town and she needs to have some fun, so I'm hoping she will consider spending time with me, as a good alternative. I mean, I'm no Ross... but I am really good at quoting Gilmore Girls, "Oy! With the poodles already!"

End of story, this has been a really busy week. I'm glad to stay busy, but I find myself not having enough time to really read my scriptures and really open my heart up in prayer. Which are some things I really need to be doing, considering what I am planning to do with my life for the next year and a half. I need to find a good balance, and I need to have a little more fun. I also need it to be Sunday. Yep. I love me some Sunday.

Feminine

2011-10-17T15:27:00.000-07:00

Ask anyone who knows me. I'm not one to dress cute. I'm pretty sure this comes from my father, not that he never dresses handsome, or is presentable. He is... but he basically wears jeans and a t-shirt or jeans and button up shirt EVERY-DAY. Why switch up something that works? But really. A while ago I tried the 30 in 30 challenge where I tried to use 30 articles of clothes for 30 days and mix-and-match different outfits. It ended on day 13. It drove me NUTS. I hate dressing up. I hate getting dressed. Okay, let me rephrase that. "I hate the process of getting dressed and putting outfits together."

Today I was listening to an old conference talk on my way to work. It was talking about women and their roles in a marriage, but something that the general authority that was talking about stood out to me. (I'm not sure who it was.) He said something along the line of, "Women, be feminine. Appear feminine. This quality is is something that will help draw you closer to/or help you meet, your eternal companion." I frowned. I looked down at my t-shirt and jeans, and thought about my hair in a greasy pony-tail. Then my Mom's voice flashed through my head, "Shelby you look horrible, you need to actually get ready." Ah crap. Advice that has been given to me forever has just sunk into my brain! How could this be?

This is not to say that I never do get ready, or dress up or anything. Because on occasion I take the time and I make myself look pretty. Because well, I feel like it. What the challenge is though, is to do it even when I don't "feel like it" so that I will feel more feminine, and be more of a lady. If you were to look at my pinterest page of "My Style" you would assume I dress like that, well, you're assuming wrong. I am always in black pants and a t-shirt, or grey pants and a t-shirt, or *gasp* a black skirt and t-shirt. I need to be more presentable and be more feminine. I need to try harder to showcase the fact that I am a daughter of God and I have amazing feminine qualities.

This isn't just about the outward appearance either, it's about grasping my feminine characteristics, and holding onto them. Qualities like patience, kindness, being more soft-spoken, and nurturing others. I'm going to go home and change, because now I feel like a rag-doll... and tomorrow will be a new day! I'm so excited! It's going to be difficult, but I'm going to really try and be better and be more in touch with my feminine side.

Sunrise Mountain Hike

2011-10-16T10:56:00.000-07:00

This weekend was a great weekend. I babysat my cousins Morgan and Jake on Friday night, and we went dollar-menu-hopping. (When you go to multiple different fast food joints and buy things from the dollar menu.) It was fun, and the boys were good so that made it even better.

Last night I went on a hike with a bunch of guys to Sunrise Mountain. My friend Tyler just got home from his two-year mission in Texas, and I hadn't seen him yet, so I picked in up and we headed to the east side of town. Parker invited us to go hike Sunrise Mountain with his friend Blayne, and some other guys. There were supposed to be other girls and guys there too, but they bailed at the last minute. We started the hike at about 7:30pm so it was dark out the whole time. We had flashlights though, so it was an adventure.

The hike was hard, it was all uphill on the way there, and really steep. I haven't worked out or exercised at all in so long, I was so out of shape. Of course I was the slowest one, but Parker stayed back with me for almost the whole way to the top. (What a gem!) When we reached the top at about 10 o'clock, it was amazing. It was worth the pain and the seriously steep hills. Vegas has the most amazing views you will ever witness, all the lights and the strip, but best of all the view of the Temple. I love the Las Vegas Temple.

Las Vegas

North Las Vegas

The Strip and part of Henderson on the left

The Las Vegas Temple

The Strip.

Going back down was actually much more difficult. I only brought one water bottle and was DYING of thirst most of the way down. Blayne was a trooper and let me hold onto his shoulders while we walked down the steep inclines that we had just came up. It took us a bit longer, but we finished and that's what matters. I only fell once the entire hike, and it didn't even hurt that bad! (shocker.) I would definitely do it again, if I had more water, was more in shape, and had the same group of guys to help me out.

Me, exhausted and finally at the top!

Blayne

Parker and Tyler

Last night just went to show that there are still some really good guys in this world. I myself am super grateful for guys who are so good to their girl-friends and who make an effort to help them and encourage them. These guys were all a bunch of A+ dudes and I am lucky to have them as my friends. For serious! Especially Tyler, who was waiting at the car with Powerade and water for us, what a lifesaver!

Patience & Love

2011-10-14T10:19:00.000-07:00

I thought about something the other night while watching my handsome little nephew Carter. I thought to myself, even before he came over, I need to be more patient. I need to give all of my effort and love to something, or someone. My number one goal in life is to be a good mother, and without doing those things, I can't accomplish that. So while I have these opportunities to babysit and watch my sisters children, I test my methods. The whole night was about him. I wanted him to have fun, and to talk to me about whatever he wanted to talk about. He is three going on four, so there was definetly a lot to say.

As we walked through the neighborhood to the park, he chatted on and on. He talk about; being Superman for Halloween, walking slow verses walking fast, why do we have to walk on the right side of the street(?), and much more. He asked me questions, and I tried my hardest to answer them so he would understand. He lost his patience and wanted to play a different game every three minutes, and tried to focus him in on the rules of the games, and see if he could understand better. Not once the whole night did I yell, STOP or BECAUSE I SAID SO. I tried my hardest, (it was very difficult) to explain everything and to have patience.

At one point he wanted to stay by the stop sign on the street corner, because he was the "stop sign guy". It was time to be going home, and he was persistent. "I am the stop sign guy and I am going to stay here until my Mom picks me up!" End of story. I took him buy his hand and hauled him across the street. We stopped on the other side of the street and just stood there for a minute. "Let go." he said, shaking his hand from mine. I bent down to his eye level and explained to him that it was time to go. He tried to explain his reasoning, but finally gave in and moved on to another topic.

I guess that little story isn't very significant. But it's something I remember from trying to be patient. I know for sure I will not always have that type of patience and immediate kindness when it comes to kids. Often times I feel like I'm a kid too. For instance, when little kids tell you the truth about how you are treating them, and in the meanest way. Because they don't know any better. I get so upset when that happens, because I take it personal. An insult, or a mistake you are making uncovered by a child, is just so much more heart-wrenching. I know that the other night was a test of faith and endurance, and it helped me realize how I want to be with my kids. I love spending time with my nephews and I know that through those times, I can learn to be better.

The other day I was listening to a talk by Elder Jeffery R. Holland he said this, "How do you react to the nine year old, who has just tromped in again with muddy feet?! Don't stutter, how are you going to react? I know you've told him, I know you've told him a thousand times. Yes, and I know the visiting teachers are coming, further more, I know you've had a bad day and I know the dishwasher broke, and I know you've given this boy the best years of your life, and I know that the price of hamburger is outrageous! But I'm talking about a little boy with muddy feet... a child of God. I'm really not saying that muddy shoes... is acceptable or necessary or desirable... what I am saying is this, that no power of influence in your home... ought to be maintained by anything other then by persuasion, long-suffering, and gentleness and meekness and love unfeigned." The whole time I was listening to it, I had tears in my eyes. It's just so easy to become short and corse with people. Not even necessarily children. With your co-workers, and family and friends. We can become so impatient, so intolerant, so harsh... then that the opportunity to show love is forgotten.

Something to think about, something I need to work on for sure.

Let the Work Begin

2011-10-11T10:29:00.000-07:00

It's not like I had never thought of it before. I had, in public, in private. It has been a not-so-secret wish of mine for some time now. You see, I'm not an expert on the spirit, or promptings. (I just don't take that much credit.) I have always been the one to hop on and off the bus taking me somewhere because of a slight feeling, or an inclination towards home. I don't think I necessarily switch buses just to return home, I think I switch buses because the spirit tells me to. So when I say I'm not an expert, I mean, I'm not sure if every-time I switched directions, I was meant to.

I wanted more than anything a year ago, to serve. I was so excited when I came home to start prepping and getting ready. Then I hit a not-so-hidden wall, that I had always been hitting. Kind of the same as a cartoon character slamming it's head against a pole. On the throwback of my head I knew the contact with the wall would hurt, but I did it anyways. Then, as soon as a break would come and I would look to my right and see a clearer sky, I would retreat from the wall, then be stopped again.

So as I watched girl after girl, boy after boy, "take up their beds and walk", I began to dream again. I dreamt of home, and with each passing day became more and more home-sick. I knew what I needed to do, but because I had started and stopped, and turned around so many times, I was afraid. I am now humbled greatly. I know that I am nothing as to myself. I thought I was ready, but I wasn't. I wasn't even close to ready. There were things I needed to learn and trials I needed to go through to get me here, to make me smarter.

Putting the plan in motion has been exciting. It's been a whirlwind of emotion, and most of all a test of patience. Have I not learned that everything is within the timing of God? Have I not gained that sure knowledge that he will usher me in to my dreams, if I but cling to his commandments? You would think I have. Yet, with each passing day I understand more and more how little control I have over timing. It makes me angry, it makes me sad, it makes me feel like I am lost and wandering without a guide. Turning your life to the Lord is not easy. "If someone is looking for a church that requires very little, this is not the one. It is not easy to be a Latter-day Saint, but in the long run it is the only true course."- President Boyd K. Packer

I have found my greatest comfort comes when I am learning about Christ. I have found that peace comes when I am nearer to the Spirit of God. I have found that there is nothing I long for more, than to share the truth of the gospel with others. I don't care where I go, as long as I go. The road there will be difficult, and not without it's short-comings. The time spent serving will be the best education, service, and act of love, I may ever commit myself to in the next few years. It will be great, it will be good, because God is good.

In the end, if it's my time to serve a mission, it's my time. If the Lord has different plans for me along the way, I will dedicate myself to those plans. For now though, and for the next little while, I will be preparing to serve an 18 month mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I start my application papers tomorrow. I AM SO EXCITED!

In a Husband, In a Wife

2011-10-10T10:12:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about husbands. Husbands and wives, the duo, the marriage, you know... the good stuff. Now, I'm just going to preface this with the fact that I KNOW MARRIAGE IS TOUGH. Not first hand, but I know from watching, reading, hearing, that it is not all roses. It can be really hard and challenging, and it's not all going to work out as planned. BUT that doesn't mean you can't work towards having things good, and as you plan. Right? Right. (I am right don't argue with me.)

A few things I want to share are some things I want in a relationship with someone.

Number one being, someone who is always helping me to be better. In everything. In every word, deed, action. Everything.

Number two is good also, someone who has fun, listens, and is completely open with me. I've been in relationships where the other person doesn't tell you what's going on with THEM. When you get married, it's not just about you anymore. It's a team, it's together, forever, and always.

Drawing from these two things, I feel like sometimes people don't take being better seriously. I mean, our whole purpose in life is to do our best. So why would you settle for someone who isn't going to encourage you to be better? Now I'm not talking someone who is never satisfied with your efforts, I'm talking about a person who celebrates your efforts. Who sees your triumphs and lifts you up, who sees when you fail and encourages you to know your true worth, and to know... it's okay to not be perfect. IT'S OKAY. Because guess what? We have eternity to figure this out.

Some basic things I want in my husband, my best friend, are (in no particular order)...

- I don't watch rated R movies, and I don't want any rated R movies in my house. No exceptions. I want someone who will hold me to this.
- Someone who will read scriptures with me everyday. Who will talk about God, and who will pray with me.
- Someone who, when we have kids, will encourage me to never raise my voice at them. I know this seems like a very long shot, but I think that by "encouraging" someone to be better, they think more about what the say before they say it.
- Someone who takes their role in life seriously. I don't want someone who is wishy-washy, who doesn't commit. You are a husband? Be the best husband you can be. You are a mother? Be the best mother the world has ever seen. You are a bag-checker at the local grocery store? Be the best bagger anyone has ever had bag their groceries.
- Someone who wants to have fun. Who wants to go out and be crazy, or stay home and relax. Someone who wants to just find the best in life and enjoy it.

There are a lot more things that I could share. But I just had these few things on my mind. I just hope one day I can find someone who is like this. BUT the only way that will happen, is if I do these things. I can't expect someone else to have all these great qualities if I don't obtain them myself. That's just the bottom line.

Suspension

2011-10-06T18:11:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I want to just cry and cry. I want to cry because I feel so lost, I feel so lonely. I want to cry because I want my friend back. (I want that boy back too) Crying seems like the only thing that could help my empty little heart. Maybe if I just flooded myself with tears my world would crash into itself and mold together into something great. A mosaic of things as they were and as they are to be.

I'd love to just stretch forth my arms towards the sky and just scream, and cry, and feel my heart fight for life in my chest. Feel myself break down to pieces and be just fine with the outcome. I long for that feeling of ship-wreck of abandon, of total and complete shut down.

Because the feeling of suspense, of floating lifeless, is so under-whelming. (Is that a word?) I feel as though my body has been sketched out into air, bone by bone, each seperately swaying in the balance. My eyes and ears floating vertically towards the other. Every piece separate but together with tension. Oh, that feeling of suspense. The same you get when out of the blue the chills run up and down your spine.

If my body could just crash to the ground and creep up into position again. If I could just shake free the net of suspension, of defying gravity and fall.

Just sometimes...

Ode to The Family

2011-10-05T09:37:00.000-07:00

Who do I love?

I love my family. I just wanted to take up a post and write down some reasons why I love each member of my family. Because my family is really important to me. I feel like I've always been the kid in my family who is "outside the box". I'm a whole lot different then my family, while still being sort of the same. Sounds weird, but if you know me, you know what I mean.

My Mom: My Mom is the greatest. My Mom listens really well. She is the best listener you will ever meet. Now, she might not tell you what you WANT to hear, but she will tell you what she thinks. My Mom is funny, and crazy, and a little bit weird. Which means I get who I am from her. She is always singing or humming a song, especially while cleaning. I love her because she is so good to me. I love her because she is so patient and kind.

My Dad: My Dad is my favorite Dad. (Not that I have any other ones) He is the hardest working man I have EVER known. He doesn't stop working, or slow down. Because he knows the value of good, honest, work. If I learn anything in my life from my Dad it would be to be honest, hardworking, and tolerant. My dad is in love with his daughters. He loves us more than we know, and for that I am grateful. He is also really funny, and knows some very funny jokes.

My sister Emily: Emily is a leader. Emily is the person you call when you can't seem to get anything right. When you need help, you call her. Not only will she help you, she will show you the right way to do it. I've always looked up to Emily because she knows how to have fun, and how to make every situation good. She is a fantastic Mom, who has taught her child more then he would ever learn in pre-school before he has even gotten there. Emily is an educator, and a friend. Best of all, she is my sister.

My sister Jordan: Jordan is loyal. Jordan is everything you look for in a best friend. She is not judgmental, she is willing to help, she tells you funny jokes to make you laugh, and she never complains. Jordan is my best friend because I could tell her anything and know she would never be upset, or offended. She helps me become better, and think more about others. You will never meet a more relaxed and loving person. She is also a Mom, and a superb one at that. She gives her whole self to her child, and wouldn't settle for anything less than that.

I hope you enjoy this last picture, in all it's sick-nast glory. hahahaha

General Conference Oct 2011

2011-10-04T09:51:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was General Conference weekend. As I'm sure all of you know, I am a member of, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Over the weekend we were able to hear from Prophets, Apostles, and General Authorities of the church in a two-day conference. I have been truly inspired by their words. I love conference so much, and I was so excited to sit down and really take in all they had to say this year. So, since I took extensive notes I thought I would share with you some basic thoughts that I got out of conference. Here we go!

Memorize a scripture to help keep you calm and grounded and read your scriptures more often.
Seek for wisdom, not power.
The gospel of Jesus-Christ will fill the earth.
Do the right thing, at the right time, without delay.
We have power over the influence of Satan.
You are NOT invisible to God, he loves you.
Family History is the greatest responsibility we have.
Multiply and replenish the earth!
In family relationships, love is spelt T-I-M-E.
Look up! It is better to look up!
Rescue the less active members of the church.
Repent for the kingdom of Heaven is at hand!
Help others understand our church and our values.
Sign on & Speak up! Come join the ranks!
Learn your duty and act in your office. (Priesthood)
Missionary service is a Priesthood duty.
Comfort the poor and the needy.
Priesthood preparation is very important.
Keep your testimony rooted and be prepared to stand alone.
The Book of Mormon helps us keep our covenants.
Wait upon the Lord!
The Book of Mormon is true! It is another testament of Jesus Christ by way of the Law of Witnesses.
Husbands who love their wives raise good daughters.
Take upon you the name of Christ.
Be in the world, but not of the world.
Be a covenant-keeper.
Seek ye first the kingdom of God.
Teach by the spirit.
Missionaries need: Desire, a willing heart and a strong mind, and to love others.
Eternal decisions have eternal consequences.
Prayer is the provider of personal strength.
Our Father in Heaven has a plan.
Play your part well!

If any of these lines interest you, or pull at your heart strings I hope you would email me. Or go to www.mormon.org and talk with a missionary. You can listen to the talks here, and in the coming months you can get a magazine with all the talks in it.

I love this church. I love the gospel. I love learning new things, and refreshing my memory about things I've forgotten. I never stand alone when I stand with God, and for that I am eternally grateful.

Money Sucks

2011-10-03T09:37:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been trying really hard to save money. But it seems like every time that I turn around there is another expense. Take for instance going to the doctor. I really needed to go to the dermatologist but because I have an HMO health plan I can't just go see any dermatologist. I needed to see my Primary Care Physician first. The doctor I've gone to all my life doesn't accept HMO plans, so I had to find a new doctor. (It took two weeks for me to get in to see, not a doctor, but a physician's assistant. GREAT!) Let me break it down for you...

Copay to PCP - $25
PCP having me get blood-work done - $25
Wait five days.... (meanwhile schedule an appointment for a GYNO which is almost two months out. Really?)
Dermatologist visit - $50
Prescriptions at the pharmacy - $90
Getting a cold after seeing my PCP and having to go back - $25
Being told that my cold is viral and she can't treat it with antibiotics, SUPER FRUSTRATING. Not that I wanted to spend more money at the pharmacy but I need to get better.
After all of this, and a strict demand on myself to NOT pull any money from my savings, (which is a measly $1000) I had $31 dollars to my name. OH but whoops, Gas station - Fill up my car to half a tank - $20

All in all I am pretty proud of myself. I only had to borrow $25 from my Mom, and I stayed home almost this entire weekend because I knew I couldn't afford the gas. I haven't spent any money on anything other then what was necessary since last Monday, and that is unusual. I really wanted Cafe Rio on Saturday, but I refrained and made myself a turkey burger instead. Because guess what?! I don't get paid until the end of this week, and that money has to go to tithing, my car insurance, gym membership (don't even get me started!), paying my Mom back, the $25 for Quest, and Gas for two weeks. NOT TO MENTION that I have my car registration due this month, AND a Halloween party. All along with saving money.

How will I do this? I will I get through? Well, a whole lot of prayer and hopefully a second job. Anyone have some kids they want me to babysit? hahaha Oh my.

Testimony

2011-09-25T20:49:00.000-07:00

I thought to myself while sitting at the Relief Society broadcast this evening, this is definitely one of those days you should blog about. I haven't had that feeling in quite some time. So, here I am telling you about my day.

I woke up early, for a Sunday, and immediately wished that I could have slept longer. It was Fast Sunday today, and I'm really horrible at fasting. (Not eating for two consecutive meals, while praying and thinking about certain things you need answers to, or help with.) So, I woke up with a hungry belly. YACK. I hate that feeling. So, I decided to be productive and paint my nails. I know AMAZING STUFF!! You're probably wondering why I thought I needed to blog about today. Moving forward to church...

Fast Sunday means Testimony meeting. For the past, almost two years I have ALWAYS born my testimony on Fast Sunday. Every chance I get to bear my testimony I always do. Since this was the second Fast Sunday we had this month, I figured I would sit this one out. I mean, I teach Sunday School and will be able to say something there, so I don't really need to get up again. The spirit was hounding me the entire meeting, but I denied it's call. (Which isn't a good thing to do, but nevertheless...) I suppressed my feelings until I reached Relief Society. At the end of the lesson they gave us an enormous 20 minutes to bear testimony. I couldn't resist. I walked to the front of the class laughing, and just thinking, this is nuts! If other people wanted to bear their testimonies, I have just swiped 5 minutes of their time! I always do this, and people are going to think I'm doing it for the attention. (Which is incredibly false. But people do notice! Because I had more than one person come up to me today, and ask why I didn't get up during sacrament meeting. "You always get up, I was waiting to hear from you!" is what they told me. I guess people really do notice!)

You see, almost two years ago I moved to Provo, Utah. The first Sunday we went to church was a Fast Sunday. The line to speak for your testimony was so long, and there were 5 people at a time waiting on the stand for their turn. I didn't go up, but our Bishop did. At the end of the meeting he concluded with a challenge. For each and every one of us to bear our testimony every chance we are given for the entire year. I took his challenge. I over-took his challenge. I created a challenge for myself that is beyond all measure. I decided that at every opportunity that there is to bear testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel I would do so. And since that Sunday, I have. God never lets me get by without it. Never.

I might be a little crazy, and might seem overwhelming at times. Some Sunday's, I feel like I'm not worthy to bear a solid testimony of the Savior, but I do anyways. Because I feel his love for me, even in my mistakes and my misgivings. I heard the other day that every Sunday is a testimony meeting. When we partake of the bread and water, we are bearing testimony of the truth of the atonement. We are saying, "I know this church is true and by taking this bread and water, I know I can be forgiven of my sins." What an absolute truth! What an unwavering yet simple belief!

I can't not tell people about the truth that I have found. I know it of myself, independent of any other person. I know it because God has given me the feeling of peace and comfort when I hear the gospel, or read it. It is amazing! I am a Daughter of God! He knows me, he loves me, he has a PLAN for me. I make and strive to keep covenants with him because those promises I make, keep me safe and close to him. Without them, I would be lost and so sorrowful. Christ died for my sins and my sorrows. He bled from every pore in the Garden at Gethsemene, he died on the cross ALONE, and was resurrected three days later, glorified by the Father. Joseph Smith is a true Prophet, through Christ he restored the church. Thomas S. Monson, his counselors, and all the other Apostles and authorities of the church today, lead and guide us. Their words are FOR US FROM GOD! How amazing is that? How comforting is that?! It's so good. So very, very good.

ABC

2011-09-24T20:47:00.000-07:00

Everyone is doing them! Why not me??

Age: 21
Bed size: Queen
Chore you hate: Making the bed. Mowing the lawn or vacuuming the leaves outside.
Dogs: I have two. Auzzie & Cozad. They are my babies.
Essential start of your day: Food. I must eat, or I will not be able to function.
Favorite color: Yellow.
Gold or silver: Gold.
Height: 5'7
Instruments I play (or have played): I play the piano. But I am very rusty.
Job title: Cashier/Service Writer/Receptionist.
Kids: I hope to have many little ones one day.
Live: Las Vegas, Nevada
Mom's name: Tamara, Tammy, THE TAMS. Okay maybe not the last one...
Nickname: Shelbs, Shulbs, Shebe, Shelbster, Shelby Lou, Lou, Beezy, Cornchip, Corn-dog, Shelbanator.... The list goes on and on.
Overnight hospital stays: None that I know of besides birth.
Pet peeve: When I can hear someone chew their food. When someone says "Good Morning" in the middle of the afternoon, just to piss you off. Heavy breathing.
Quote from a movie: "She's always in my bid-ness!" - "Well, it becomes necessary to insert yourself in someone's BID-NESS, when they fall asleep with a curling iron in their hair!!!" - "That happened two times!".... Basically anything from Baby Mama
Right or left handed: Right.
Siblings: 2 Siblings. 2 Older seeesters.
Time you wake up: Between 6am and 8am
Underwear: I wish it weren't necessary, but it is.
Vegetables you dislike: Brussel Sprouts. I don't think I've ever had them, but they smell gross. Oh and those little mini corns. YUCK.
What makes you run late: Eating.
X-rays you've had done: Teeth. I had an MRI once.
Yummy food you make: I make really good cakes. They don't look pretty, but they taste like heaven.
Zoo animal: Ever since listening to a Podcast on Zoo's I'm not really a fan of them. But, I would love to go to the Zoo and see the Giraffes.

Be Quiet or LEAVE!

2011-09-22T09:14:00.000-07:00

Being Mormon is really cool, and not just because you get to be married in a fairytale castle. It is cool because we have our own choir. SAY WHAT? Yep, in case you hadn't heard it is one of the best choirs in the world, and definitely top 10 in the nation. I give you, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir! AKA MOTAB. Basically, it is one of the best choir's ever. They don't just sing church hymns (but that is what they are known for) they also sing different renditions of Broadway songs and such. They are really good.

Every Sunday morning the MOTAB performs in the old Tabernacle on Temple Square. It's called, Music and The Spoken Word. I've never been before, and it sure was a fun experience. There was supposed to be a thing on 9/11 that day, but it wasn't shown live it was broadcasted. So we actually took part in a recorded session of Music and The Spoken Word, that will air in February. (Because the Choir will be in Arizona that Sunday.)It was neat! This is Liz & I before the performance started...

Jane & I! Isn't her short hair fabulous?

The flags were flying at half-mass around most of Salt Lake that day, in honor of 9/11. It was definitely a great weekend to be in town. I love the Salt Lake Temple, it is so beautiful!

So hopefully you are still reading because Sunday just get's better. I forgot to take more pictures but, after Music and The Spoken Word we went to Liz's house and ate breakfast. Then we just bummed around until it was time to go to church. Liz lives within walking distance of the chapel, so we walked over. Let me just say, it was the most interesting time at church I've had in a long time.

Everything started off pretty normal, Relief Society was first and it was a great class. Then Sunday School started, there was about a ten minute period of waiting before Sunday School began, because people are walking to class and just settling in. So as people are chattering, but not too loud, the teacher - I would say she was about 22 - stands in front of the class. I assume she was tapping her foot and clearing her throat, because all of a sudden she screams "OK EVERYBODY, BE QUIET OR LEAVE!!" Holy crap. The room fell silent, then almost every head in that class turned side to side to look at their neighbors, "Did she really just do that?" Of course, me being me, I get giggly in awkward situations. I started to laugh.

Things press forward, and class begins. She starts to talk about the lesson, which I don't really recall what it was about. Then she asks someone a question. Immediately after they respond she says, "That's not the answer I was looking for. I was looking for something more personal." The girl who answered responded quickly, "I don't have anything personal I would want to share with YOU." (Number one reason why you don't poke and prod for answers in Sunday School, some experiences are personal!) Well, she didn't need to poke or prod anymore because she answered her own question with a slue of personal stories.

"I had this guy once who wanted to date me. I thought it would be fun, so I was like, okay. Then when I left for a study-abroad to Spain he kept e-mailing me! He was a total stalker!" ..... "I went on a blind date with a guy once, and at the end of the date he told me I wasn't marriage material. He was a jerk, and totally stupid."

What did that have to do with the lesson? I've got no idea. But I spent the whole class laughing, at her much too personal stories about ex-boyfriends and blind dates. Jane leaned over to me and said she should raise her hand and start telling a story about how her sister was a pro surfer and got her arm bitten off by a shark. I died, I died. I'm so lucky I didn't start laughing really loud, that would have been embarrassing. What was truly embarrassing though, was the guy sitting next to me... who was completely asleep and snoring like a bear in hibernation. GLORY BE!

So, as you can see Sunday was eventful. It was awesome, crazy, and totally funny. After we got out of church Jane and I left for Provo to go to the CES Fireside. It was fantastic! We spent the night at her brother Jake's house, and showed him and his wife a ton of hilarious youtube videos, like Kid History. It was great! I will be back soon, with what we did on Monday! FUN TIMES!

Funny Bone

2011-09-19T10:00:00.000-07:00

I'm a horrible blogger. Mainly because I start things and never finish them. I probably won't ever finish my collection of essay's because I'm a dumb, and don't feel like sitting myself down and spending three hours on one blog post.

Blogging isn't as exciting for me as it used to be. I think it's because not many people read my blog anymore, or I'm not as close to the people who read my blog. Because people read, oh do they read! I get comments from people at church, or work, "I read your blog the other day!" or, "I saw that on your blog." I thought maybe a new layout would make me more excited and happy to write. It didn't. Sad.

I guess maybe I feel self conscious about my blog now, because I mainly hit the deep spiritual points of my life. Which might come off as offensive to some. I mean, not everyone who reads this, or read this, are LDS. I don't expect you to be. I think I started posting mainly spiritual stuff, because that's what I really thought about. Of course that isn't ALL I thought about, or think about. If it were, I wouldn't be here, now would I? It is my blog, however, and because of that fact I can write about whatever I want. I used to be funny, I swear. I just have no idea what happened. I think my funny bone broke, or fell off or something.

I'm not sure why I'm saying all of this. I guess I just wanted to post about SOMETHING. I think I will share with you some things I think are funny, because I'm not funny, but this stuff is. I found all of this stuff on Pinterest, so if you are all upset about photo credits, you can find them there.

hahaha oh Dumb & Dumber!

You know you did....

This is how I feel sometimes...

PSBTW this is awesome! OBVI!

I DIE!

hahaha this is fantastic!

If this doesn't make you happy, I don't know what will.

Fly Away

2011-09-17T12:54:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, I decided to take a trip. I didn't feel like driving, and it would have costed just as much to drive, as it did to fly. So I took my journey on an airplane. Next time, I will drive, because I forgot how much airplane's make me sick. Ack! It was fun for a little while though. I boarded my first plane to Phoenix on Saturday at 2:00pm.

This is me taking a picture of myself while waiting to board the plan in Las Vegas. I hate taking pictures of myself alone, because people look at you and do the whole, "judge-you-with-their-eyes" thing. So this one was a quick little picture.

The clouds on the way to Phoneix were gorgeous! I loved taking pictures of them, especially with all the cool effects that I have on my camera.

Let's play a quick game of I-Spy.

I spy, a big huge Y....

I spy, the Jordan River Temple....

I spy, the Draper Temple...

Of course, it's easy to spot temples in Utah when there are more than 10 temples standing, and 2 under construction. And you wonder why I love Utah so much?!

Last but most definitely not least, a quick shot of Salt Lake. One of the greatest cities, ever. I love Salt Lake so much, and I was so happy to just be there. As soon as I landed on the ground, I checked in on Facebook, to Salt Lake, and said, "I'm in my favorite place in the world!!"

There is more to come, this was just the beginning!

So Much Love

2011-09-13T07:43:00.001-07:00

"Often, the answer to our prayer does not come while we're on our knees but while we're on our feet serving the Lord and serving those around us. Selfless acts of service and consecration refine our spirited, remove the scales from our spiritual eyes, and open the windows of Heaven. By becoming the answer to someone's prayer, we often find the answer to our own." - Dieter F. UchtdorfThis is what I learned this weekend. Especially the last part about someone's prayer being the answer to your own. I think that this trip has changed my view on my life completely. I learned a lot. Despite some of the crazy times I had. There is a lot of work to be done, and a lot of challenges to overcome still but I feel much better. I also feel like I gained my heart back. Somehow I seem to leave the biggest part of me in Utah when I go. I am looking forward to the chances and steps I'm going to take and am do happy that I am feeling confident again.I want whoever reads this to know something. God and Christ love you. They love you so much. I can't even comprehend all of the love they have for you. For us all. There is no more important relationship than the one between you and God. There is no one, or thing you should love more than him. I want you to know that the only peace and comfort I receive is through God. He is my anchor, there is a string tied from my heart to his. I am so grateful for him. I hope that you all can learn of his love, and use what you learn to love others completely. No matter what his Children do, God loves them. We must do the same. I could just burst with joy at this entire concept. We are all so incredibly lucky!I will be back later this week with pictures from my trip and some more light-hearted and hilarious stories. Right now I'm stuck at the airport. My flight is delayed almost an hour. Pray that I get home in time to make it to work!

Vacation & Accepting Trends

2011-09-09T10:34:00.000-07:00

I am so excited for this weekend. I am flying out to Salt Lake tomorrow afternoon, and staying there until Tuesday morning! I get to hang out with Jane all weekend, and see Shannon. I'm pretty sure this was a really good idea. I had some reservations about it, because I am trying to save my money instead of spend it. Then I thought to myself, when will I have this chance again? I mean really. So I took a leap of faith and booked my flight two weeks ago. I'm just super excited to get to see Jane and to get to frolic around Salt Lake for a while. If you didn't know, Utah is my favorite place in the entire world. (Yeah, I'm the weird one.)

A lot of people don't like Utah because of the stereotype it gets for being a "bubble" and "mormonville", but I like bubbles, and I'm Mormon! So A++ for me! Really though, Utah isn't as much of a bubble as some would make it seem. I think that people lean towards hating on Utah because they don't actually go there, and enjoy themselves. I hate haters. You know what I'm sayin'? I hate it when people are like, "I hate people who hate Twilight, because I hate Twilight." or... "Jason Mraz is so overplayed, I hate him. Therefore, I hate all the people who love Jason Mraz and dress indie and take pictures of themselves." Well sorry peeps, that's half the population. I really think people need to get over it. Stop hating on what makes other people happy. (Unless it's like, nuclear weapons and murdering puppies.)

For example, here are some things I'm not a fan of. Lady Gaga, Harry Potter, Leggings as Pants, Pretty Little Liars, Super High Heels... I could go on. However, just because I'm not a fan of these things... doesn't mean that I don't love the people who are. Because half the friends I have love those things. ESPECIALLY HARRY POTTER. Which is why, when they start talking about him... I let them ROLLLL. Because, in turn they will have to hear me fangirl over Hunger Games and how incredibly good looking Ryan Reynolds is.

Let's give a little, so we can get a little here people. Be nice to people who like different trends. Okay? Because, let's face it. We are all on this earth together, and we can't really change that.

((If that wasn't a tangent, I don't know what is.))

So have a good weekend, and be safe. Deal? Deal.

Hopefully

2011-09-06T06:59:00.000-07:00

Who are you?
Why are you here?
Where are you going?

Presently.
I am Shelby Lou DeLong. I am 21 years old, I live in Las Vegas Nevada and I am a follower of Christ. I am a cashier at a car dealership, and I am a daughter, sister, and friend. I am not very picky, I really love to eat, and I love to read on my Nook.

I am here because this is where my parents live, and I don't have enough money to live on my own. I am here in Vegas because I've lived in Utah twice, and no matter how much I loved it, I kept coming back here. I'm at the job I am at because my Dad's friend got it for me.

I'm going no where. Especially if I stay on the same path I've been on. A year flies by really fast, and for some that is because they are so busy. Busy with school, careers, marriage, life. I however have not been busy. I have been stagnant. A huge body of water that "will not be moved"(in a bad way). Like an old pool, or a barrel of rain water.

Future/Eternal.
I am a daughter of God. I am Shelby. Age doesn't matter as much as my experience does. I live where my heart is. I thrive on service, love, and abundance of faith. I work. I do. I read. I listen, oh my do I listen!

I am here because God sent me here. I am where I am at because I was meant to be here. No matter the trails ahead, I come at them with offense and one defense, the sword of the spirit. I am here with trust that what I am doing is not meant to benefit just me, but everyone I am around.

I'm going to God. We live to die, and die to live again. Where I am going there is peace. There is family. I'm going to be better, the best, the greatest. I'm taking my family and friends with me. There will be not a soul, left behind. I'm going where my heart will rest, where my labors will be blessings, and where I can kneel before my God and say, with a humble heart, "I've done all that I could do."

Who are you?
Why are you here?
Where are you going?

Plenty of Past Pictures

2011-09-03T13:28:00.000-07:00

Big Plans

2011-08-31T22:43:00.000-07:00

This post is really weird for me, but only because I'm writing it in bloggers new interface. Weird.... Anyways, on with what I came here to say.

I listen to a lot of talks and books on tape. I'm an avid John Bytheway fan, and I cannot help but laugh at every joke he makes. "Oh fudahduhdadada!" haha Anyways, I love him. Truly I do. My favorite talk of his is called. "Turn off the TV and get a life." Wow, can you say inspiring?! I can, and I just did.

In it he talks about, what else, turning off your television and getting a life. Which is so important, especially now-a-days. One particular story that he tells is about himself. When he was in college at BYU he decided to turn the TV off and not watch it. Instead, he would take those two hours at night that he would normally watch TV and turn them into something good. He would go to bed at 10 every night instead of staying up till midnight watching Leno, and then wake up at 6 in the morning. Then from 6 to 8 in the morning he would go down to the library and work on writing a book. Four months later, he had a book that was getting published by Deseret Book.

That inspires me so much. I am so sick of watching other people live their dreams, and just sitting back and doing nothing. I have dreams too, goals and aspirations. I want to make them come true. So, I've decided that I am going to wake up a bit earlier and start doing things that help me gain knowledge and learn. I want to get my diploma for institute, and the only way that will happen is if I take some classes online. So, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to wake up early and take those two hours before I hit the gym to really set my dreams in motion. I'm going to study my scriptures, practice the piano, paint, and do things that I enjoy and want to be better at. That way, while all my friends are going to college and they get all these fancy degrees, and awesome jobs. I still have something to show for myself.

Maybe this will make me want to go to school, or on a mission, or something. I don't really know. I do however know, that if I stick to this... I will be so much better for it. So here goes nothing, here goes me... turning off the TV, getting to bed early, and getting a LIFE!

Ball and Chain

2011-08-29T10:40:00.000-07:00

I know that the rule of thumb is not to pray openly, for men to see. But to go into your closet, and pray in secret. However sometimes, I feel like God just needs a formal letter typed on a macbook, late at night, from my bedroom floor.

Dear Heavenly Father,

It's me, Shelby. First of all I'd like to thank you for your incredible wisdom and love. Without which, I would be eternally lost and fallen. I am so very thankful for your plan for me. I wanted to tell you, that I love you. You are my father and I don't say I love you near as much as I should. Could you please let heavenly Mother know that I love her too. I like to think that I see her work surrounding me daily, in the mountains and the little babies.

I'm having a hard time. Of course you know why, and I don't need to go into detail about it. I have struggled for years with this ball and chain attached to my ankle. Feeling the deep guilt and embarrassment of it's weight. Satan tried to tell me that you would never really forgive me. That you would never let me forget. He is cunning and evil, and needs to be defeated. The ball is gone now, that black iron-cast ball. The chain however, still seems to drag along, attached at my ankle with a heavy metal clasp. Sometimes it's as though the chain is reaching out in the opposite direction of my foot-path, to find another ball. Just when I think I've gotten far enough away, something dark comes creeping in.

I write you this letter to ask for light. Light to push away the darkness that creeps along the sidelines. Light to push away the fog that covers my path and makes it hard for me to see. The light of Christ, the light of his atonement. Show me the truth, and strengthen my testimony. Humble my soul, and lift up my heart to serve. Break this chain that holds my ankles bound, and slows my journey back to you.

For you are all mighty, and you have the power to retrieve me from the darkest places.

I write this letter to you, in the Savior and Master's name. Jesus Christ.

Amen,
Shelby

Insult to Injury

2011-08-28T12:05:00.000-07:00

The insult.

"I can't picture you being a Mom. You don't seem like the kind of person who could be a Mother."

The injury.

I'm not always a peach. Often times, at work, I'm in a horrible mood. Because I'm at work with people who don't care, who are inconsiderate, and so mean. If I could change one thing about my life right now, it would be the way I feel about my job and how I treat my co-workers.

Adding insult to injury.

When a co-worker who does not know me, who does not know the real person I am... Who only knows the crabby, and overwhelmed side of me... tells me I don't seem like Mom material, that is when insult is added to injury. Of course, I take the heat for their view of me. I am the one who created their view. If I had been my real self, they would never had said that.

That insult, was the worst I've ever received. Because my main goal in life is to be a Wife and Mother. It is such a sacred responsibility to be a Mom. To raise one of God's precious spirit's here on this earth, to be responsible for the growing of their spirit.

"Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us." - Sheri Dew

"Men have to have something given to them [in mortality] to make them saviors of men, but not mothers, not women. [They] are born with an inherent right, and inherent authority, to be the saviors of human souls... and the regenerating force in the lives of God's children." - Elder Matthew Cowley

My heart broke when I heard that man so those words to me. Broke. I am not living up to my potential, to my purpose. A purpose so divine, so perfect, that I can't deny it's truth.

Here's to living in a way that makes other people see my individual worth, as a Daughter of God. Here's to being a Mother, even when I'm not technically, a Mother to my brothers and sisters, and to all who see me. Here's to trying hard to be better, and not bitter.

Confidence Builder

2011-08-27T09:24:00.000-07:00

Macon: When I ask you to go out with me this Friday night you're gonna think you're the one asking me because you're gonna say 'yes Macon, I would love to go out with you because I know we'll have a totally great time together. In fact, I'd been hoping you'd ask me all week.'

Halley: You wanna go out on a date with me?
Macon: See, I told you you'd ask me.

How to Deal, circa 2003. Probably one of the best movies ever. I love it. It is so "teenager", if I could use that a describing word. (Which I just did) Holy epic! This movie is awesome. But, it is not the basis of this post, just go watch it. Okay? Okay.

The other day, in a quiet conversation with my best friend, he told me something I can't get out of my mind. A few weeks ago, I was complaining on twitter about guys. I started kind-of-sort-of dating a guy, then all of a sudden all my guy friends come out of the woodwork, "I wanted to take you on a date." "Are you dating him?" and so forth. My complaint was, where the crap where YOU for the past six months? Are you kidding me? As soon as I find someone I like, and I start to hang out with them more often, ya'll finally notice me. Is this real life? Well the answer to this question came in a quick sentence.

"The reason all those guys are talking to you now, is because now you have more confidence. Keep that confidence."

Duh. Right? I mean, why didn't I think of that? Maybe because I was considering every single thing, and thinking too much. As soon as he said that, I thought back to who I was before. I was very closed in, and my self esteem was lower than low. Now, I had the prospect of a guy liking me, and showing me that, I didn't have to worry about those other guys, just one. My worries were lessened, my confidence rose, and I didn't have a care in the world. That's the thing about having a crush that is reciprocated, for that moment you feel like you are worth it. Like, "Hey man. I've got someone who is interested, and I am worth the interest." On a normal day, you couldn't even find that kind of confidence in me.

That's not to say, that I don't like myself. I love myself. I love who I am, and the crazy things I say. I'm not normal, I'm not perfect, and I know I need to work on things. It's just me saying that, there is something in the genuine interest of a guy you like that makes you forget your, "what if's" and work it. Let's be real here ladies... you've got to work it.

In the end, it's all about finding your personal worth and running with it. I tend to talk myself down to guys, (I think it seems like I'm fishing for compliments, but that's not the case.) because I'm not a beauty queen or an amazingly talented woman, at least not in my own eyes. So when the guy you like starts to tell you things you aren't sure you believe about yourself; you're beautiful, you're funny, you're amazing! Just give in and say thank you. Please? Be humble about it, but understand that his point of view is VERY different from yours, and you shouldn't get in the way of it. I only say this because I know from experience that disagreeing is stupid.

Just... be confident. Be the leading lady in your life. Don't let anyone else take center stage. You're the star, you're the woman/man of the hour. Just make it happen.

Romance Languages

2011-08-25T09:42:00.000-07:00

"I'm a sucker for war stories in romance languages."

Mona Lisa Smile one of my most favorite movies of all time. I couldn't love it more than I do. There is a still honest truth that lingers today, from this time period. War stories, and romance languages are the hotness. Whoever disagrees must now go punch themselves in the face. Now that that's over... Obviously I'm not one to find a handsome man on the street who fought in the war and speaks italian. It's just not going to happen. But being an LDS girl has it's perks. Because sometimes these boys come back with a language they've learned and OH how they can use it to woo. Most of the time without even noticing it. The craziest thing about it is, that they don't even have to speak italian or portuguese, or whatever "romance" language there is. They just have to have that slight accent from a foreign place. Followed up with exciting stories and adventures of courage, faith, and quick wit. It's like a modern day war story. Without all the blood and killing.

I'm saying this because I am the biggest sucker for guys with stories. For guys with cute little accents and the most subtle way of bringing a story to life before your eyes. I am a long story teller, I go off on a million tangents and turn 3 minute stories in to 10 minute monologues. When I meet someone who is the same way, I feel akin to them. We share this same love for detail and imagination and it just makes staying up late talking, the best thing ever. I swear my husband and I will never sleep, because our stories will take over the night and last far into the morning. Which is entirely fine by me.

Knowing Stories

2011-08-23T10:41:00.000-07:00

You know those moments in your life, when you feel like you are actually starting to grasp a concept, or a knowledge of something? I have had that moment happen to me this year. During high school, I wasn't a devoted member of the church. I had a lot of stuff going on, and I really wasn't ready for the responsibility. Which isn't a good excuse, but it's all that I've got. Despite being lazy, I did come to learn a few lessons back then, that I wouldn't give up for anything.

Fast forward three years later, and I think I'm starting to actually understand the stories. I'm talking about good old fashioned Bible / Book of Mormon stories, and characters. Now when I sit in Sunday School, or listen to a talk or book on CD, I actually know what they are talking about. I know who Saul of Tarsus is, and how he changed his name to Paul. I know who the Brother of Jared is, and about his great faith in Christ. Now, I'm not saying I know everything. I can't keep all of my Nephi's straight. However, I do know stories, and I think about them often.

Scripture is so important. It is so important to read the scriptures and learn from them. It's been said before, and I will say it again, "If we want to talk to God, we need to pray. If we want God to talk to us, we need to read our scriptures."

Last night, I started reading the New Testament. I don't think I've ever read it all the way through. I'm excited to learn about Christ and his teachings, and all the great miracles he did while he was here. I love the church! I love everything about it, and I am so thankful for everything I have. Reading the scriptures is amazing, and I challenge whoever is reading this, to read them and ask if they are true. I know the answer is there, and I know the answer is yes, they are true. I just know it!

Thank you for calling....

2011-08-20T08:25:00.000-07:00

I'm a horrible blogger. It's been said before, and I don't mind saying it ten thousand more times. As long as it is the truth. I used to blog everyday. I used to have a job that was funny, and had the craziest stuff happen. Just check out my old Candle Store Chronicles. I die. I am dead.

I shouldn't say my work isn't funny, because it totally is. The people here, are my family. No matter how much we sometimes hate each other or make fun of each other, we really are a family. If you think about your job, (a full time job) you spend more time with the people you work with, then you do your own family. Especially if you commute. I drive 32 miles one way to my job. That might seem like nothing for some, but in a big city, that's a lot of traffic just to spend 6 to 8 hours a day working.

My work family is funny. Is what my basis of this post was. They curse like drunken sailors, and they have the quick wit of a gilmore girl. It is truly a blessed time. Let's take for instance, Huckabee. Huckabee is the kind of guy who, if he isn't making fun of you that means he doesn't like you. So fortunately? I get made fun of a lot. Some quick quotes:

"Shelby, if I give you $100 will you let me give you a paper cut with a manilla folder in between your fingers?"

"I will cut you, don't make me cut you."

"You don't know what I'm capable of."

"Hey, Corn-chip!" (yes my nickname is Corn-chip. How? I have no idea)

"Does your date have a CAT pass?"

I could go on, and on. Not only are my fellow employees hilarious, the people that come in here are hilarious too. We have our regulars, just like any place does. These people come in at least twice a month to get something fixed, or buy something new. They are crazy, and totally make our days go by faster. For instance, Beatrice and her husband. She is this little old lady with curly hair and a big attitude. She yells at her husband to make his own coffee in the coffee machine, then eventually goes over and makes him a cup. She is loud, and obnoxious and a perfect fit for this place.

Then there is the asian lady with a RV. Oh my gosh, she swears she isn't drunk, but that lady couldn't walk a straight line if you paid her. I don't understand a word she says, and half the time we have to enter her pin for her on the debit machine. It is hilarious!!

Basically, despite the obvious deficiencies of my job. The length of the drive, the sometimes overly annoying co-workers, and those times when I feel I don't get paid enough. My job is awesome, and I'm glad I have it. BOO-YA!

Happiness Lands...

2011-08-17T10:42:00.000-07:00

It is difficult to know what to do with so much happiness.
With sadness there is something to rub against,
a wound to tend with lotion and cloth.
When the world falls in around you, you have pieces to pick up,
something to hold in your hands, like ticket stubs or change.
But happiness floats.
It doesn't need you to hold it down.
It doesn't need anything.
Happiness lands on the roof of the next house, singing,
and disappears when it wants to.
You are happy either way.
Even the fact that you once lived in a peaceful tree house
and now live over a quarry of noise and dust
cannot make you unhappy.
Everything has a life of its own,
it too could wake up filled with possibilities
of coffee cake and ripe peaches,
and love even the floor which needs to be swept,
the soiled linens and scratched records…..
Since there is no place large enough
to contain so much happiness,
you shrug, you raise your hands, and it flows out of you
into everything you touch. You are not responsible.
You take no credit, as the night sky takes no credit
for the moon, but continues to hold it, and share it,
and in that way, be known.

So Much Happiness | Naomi Shihab Nye
I found this on Meg Fee's blog and I loved it so much I had to repost it. I am currently pretty darn happy right now.

The Importance of Our Spirits

2011-08-06T10:14:00.000-07:00

What we eat, how much we exercise, and how much sleep we get effect us greatly. You often read articles about how to trim your belly, lose inches off your waist, and what make-up is best for your face. There are countless websites dedicated to helping people live well-balanced lives. Telling us how we need to get a good amount of sleep, de-clutter our homes, eat more raw foods, and so forth. All of these things are physical, temporal. While these are great things to think about, there are even more important things to consider. What are most important, are the things with eternal value.

“We look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.” ¹(2 Cor. 4:18)

Sometimes in life what we really need to do is focus on what is within us. This doesn’t mean you have to light incense and sit cross-legged on the floor, which works, but is unnecessary. We can help shape, grow, and feed our spirits any time of the day. When do we start? Where do we start? The answer is an obvious, right now and within our hearts. As we come to realize how vital our spirits are to our eternal progression, we see the importance of looking at things with an eternal perspective.

A quick example from my own life: This past winter, I found myself in quite the predicament. I felt I was given an ultimatum between two very important things, and either way I decided to go, someone would be hurt. My soul literally ached from all the questions I was asking myself. I was easily upset, overwhelmed and feeling depressed. I knew that the only thing that could ease my worry and doubt was to turn myself over to the Lord, and give him my undivided attention. I started a regimen of “spiritual exercise” that helped me view things with a more eternal perspective. Proving to myself once again how important it is to be spiritually fit, and alert at all times in my life.

In November of 1985 Elder Dallin H. Oaks, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles wrote an article about Spirituality in the Ensign. He asks the questions, “How do we achieve spirituality? How do we come to view and evaluate the things of this world with the perspective of eternity?”² His answer, “ We seek spirituality through faith, repentance, and baptism; through forgiveness of one another; through fasting and prayer; through righteous desires and pure thoughts and actions. We seek spirituality through service to our fellowmen; through worship; through feasting on the word of God, in the scriptures and the teachings of the living prophets. We attain spirituality through making and keeping covenants, through conscientiously trying to keep all the commandments of God. Spirituality is not acquired suddenly. It is the consequence of a succession of right choices. It is the harvest of a righteous life.”³

It might seem like a massive undertaking to become more spiritual, and in turn to improve on our spirituality. However large or small our journey to becoming more like Christ may be, it is a journey we must take to achieve eternal life and experience joy beyond measure. W. E. Channing reminds us that, “Everything here, but the soul of man, is a passing shadow. The only enduring substance is within.”⁴Because we must endure to the end, and because our God is a merciful God, he has given us things to help us endure, and help us return to him.

This is the first post of a series of posts entitled, Spiritually Getting By & The Worth of Souls. Below are links to the articles I used in my research. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. If you would like to know more about being LDS and our values and beliefs you can go to www.lds.org, or to www.mormon.org . If you have any questions or concerns about my essays you may contact me at shelbyloudelong @ gmail dot com.

1. Corinthians Chapter 4 Verse 18 – New Testament, Holy Bible, King James Version

2. Spirituality – Ensign November 1985, Elder Dallin H. Oaks

3. Spirituality – Ensign November 1985, Elder Dallin H. Oaks

4. Strengthening the Inner Self- Liahona February 2003, President James E. Faust

Upcoming Events

2011-08-05T12:19:00.000-07:00

I'm getting kind of excited about this little blog of mine. I'm going to turn it into something for myself that I have dreamt about for a long time. I'm hoping the changes will take root, and stay firmly planted.

The plan is, I am going to write essays about things I am interested in. It is going to be good for me, and great for you. If you're into that sort of thing. The first series is in the works, and it will be a multiple part series about our Spirits/Souls. Of course most of my work will be faith-based and talk a lot about the gospel, (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) However, I will link to all of my sources and explain everything in detail, without going overboard.

I'm not sure if many people read my blog anymore, but if you do. This is a heads up about what is to come. I'm really excited for it, and I to just be writing a lot more in general. Thanks for reading my blog and I hope you are having a great day!

Jellyfish from the Shark Reef, LV NV July 2011

Who I've Always Been

2011-08-03T09:18:00.000-07:00

Recently, I learned something about myself. It was Monday night, and like any Monday night I was at the bowling alley. I was talking with a friend whom I hadn't seen in quite some time and he was drilling me with the usual questions. Where do you work? Are you going to school? Will you be serving a mission? And the like. In talking to him, I found a newfound confidence in what I was doing with life. No, I may not be working at my dream job (I hate it). No, I am not going to school, but would gladly go to school to major in religion, however my GPA is a sickly 1.6 now. Would I be serving a mission? I already am.

I love books on tape, love. Especially books by Sheri Dew. I could listen to her all day. Last night as I was driving home I was listening to a chapter that made me actually tear up. I was softly crying and forcing myself to think about my heavenly home. I miss it. That's not to say that I remember anything about it, but I do know the feeling of it. Sister Dew talked about finding out who we have always been. Isn't it nice to know that we had personality before this, we were set here in this time and place for a reason, and we knew why? Isn't that nice to know?

I started to go over in my head all the times people asked me who I wanted to be. My answer has changed a million times, because have never been sure. But last night I really thought about it. Something else Sister Dew spoke about from her book was that we are to leave things better then what we found them. Now if that isn't a fantastic job I don't know what is. Despite growing hardships, tragedy, and constant negativity, we are tasked with the job to leave things better then what we found them. No matter where we go, what we do, we are supposed to shine forth an example of faith, love and charity.

That is my job. It has to be. What else is there for me to do? Then to "mourn with those that mourn, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort." Who am I but my brother's keeper? I love you. I really do, and the way I have been living is nothing short of selfish. I think a change of ways is in order.

Cowgirl- Up!

2011-07-24T11:41:00.000-07:00

Do you ever think sometimes, "Man. I am doing something wrong." Not in the, oh no this is so bad way, but in the; why the heck am I here, way. Heaven forbid I talk about changing things. Knowing that I will write this post, read it four times, then totally forget about it. I haven't been myself lately. I haven't prayed in who knows how long. Actually, I know how long, I just don't want to say.

For those of you who don't pray, or don't believe in God, sometimes I think it would be great to be blissfully unaware. Then I realize, it would harden my heart even more then now. You could make the comparison of not praying, to not washing your face. You know you need to do it, or else things will get nasty, but you don't anyways and you suffer the consequences.

It is not that I don't believe in God, or don't think he can help me. Because, OH how I believe and OH how I know. I am not unaware, no where close. I long for things that I can't have because I don't do the simplest things. I think, everything would be easier if I could go to the temple. Then I don't take the steps to get there. Why? Because I'm lazy, and I am not where I want to be. The thing about that is, that we are never exactly where we want to be.

It seems to me that the point of, "everything is good" is unreachable. Even when your faith is strong, your mind is open, and your heart is working for others. At that moment, you are thinking how can I improve? How can I be even better? I find myself completely upset with the idea that we have to keep getting better and doing something. WHY IS THIS LIFE SO MUCH WORK? How am I supposed to love the life I have if I can't get two moments of peace?

Of course, I know my answers. I know what I need to do. I lack motivation. I lack true faith. I lack endurance. If I really wanted to succeed I would tell myself to buck up and stop being such a lazy POS and get the heck on with my life. If I really wanted to find someone to love, I would take a moment everyday to remind myself what I love about me. IF, and this is a HUGE if, I wanted to go to school, I would shovel out the cash and realize that, HEY. I'm getting no where not being here, I might as well make something of myself.

Constant short prayers to escape my lips throughout the day. I'm not saying that I haven't prayed at all. I'm saying I haven't been earnest. For instance, Please let me feel better Lord, Please protect my family, Please bless my little nephews so they don't get sick, Please oh please let this boy talk to me. Petty, true, hopeful, these are my prayers. I don't believe in the whole, "God understands how you are feeling and he has mercy on you" bit. I don't buy it. Because why would he send us down here for such a huge test if we could just slack by the wayside, and say.. Oh well he will forgive me later. No. We can't have that attitude. We have to cowgirl-up and really make an effort.

My only question is; where did my dreams go?

Sometimes

2011-07-23T09:07:00.000-07:00

I go on a mini vacation with my Mom and Sisters and have a great time. Here are some pictures to prove it.

Best thing about this picture? Our reflections in the window.

Building Stories

2011-07-19T21:47:00.000-07:00

Do you ever go through those moments when you feel serious heartbreak, and you don't have anything or anyone to break your heart? Maybe it is just me, but I think that my mind gets really bored and falls into shock, then makes me think I have something to be sad about. For instance, I feel like, even though I am not dating anyone... that I'm dating my friends and that we have broken up. I haven't been out of my house in what feels like weeks, but in actuality has been a couple of days. I went gambling with my brothers on Friday night, and last night I went bowling for a half an hour. I just feel like I haven't done anything substantial. Which gambling, isn't substantial. I lost 20 dollars in just a couple of hours. NEVER AGAIN.

When I lived in Utah. Here I go again, reverting to "when I lived in Utah". But let's be real here, I was much more exciting back then. I had conversations with people, adventures, and I was constantly with friends. Being back home, again, I feel like I am becoming more and more of a hermit. Can girls be called hermits? Or is that only guys? Whatever, the point is, I don't hang out. I don't converse. I don't go on midnight walks anymore. OH! How I miss those long midnight walks with friends. I would give anything to have those back. Seriously, take my right pinky finger.. anything.

I daresay that I was more adventurous there because I was out of my comfort zone. I was not comfortable, therefore I had to do things that made me feel comfortable. Walking around, watching endless episodes of Prison Break, and having sleep overs on trampolines are what MADE me feel comfortable.

I think that something I am missing in my life right now, is feeling uncomfortable. I am so incredibly in comfort, at home watching TV with my Mom (it doesn't get more comfortable then that) that I am stuck in a rut. What I am missing is, that forced comfort. Which sounds weird; but makes total sense. It's the ease you feel when you talk to someone you haven't known all your life, or that weightless feeling when you sit next to someone you don't know and can just feel the story you're building with them.

I have met multiple people in my life that I have been drawn to. Kindred spirits, if you will. They were to me, as my glasses are to my eyes. They helped me see, they lead me through, and they made everything clear. Lately, life has been void of those types of people. Not to say that my friends that I have, aren't great, because they are. Just to say that these people, that I am drawn to are above and beyond special and I haven't met a new one in such a long time. That makes me feel lonely, and lost.

People are so important to me. I strive for the day when I can say that if were just me and God, I would be okay. Until then, I know that if it were just him and I, I would have a stroke. I can't handle all the greatness. I need to be around his work, in other beings. Small doses, small doses please.

In the end, what I really wanted to say is that I feel like I'm heartbroken, because I'm nothing. I have nothing big to share, or exciting to look forward to, and I am too comfortable. I need to change all of that, and make something happen, because I'm sure that sticking this way, is getting me no where.

2011-07-18T23:11:00.000-07:00

I truly believe that I am too deep of a person for the situations I get myself into. I have so many deep and intricate thoughts, that don't ever bubble to the surface because of their frailty and their "relevance". I am sick of that happening. I need to find someone, anyone who I can talk about these things with.

Do you have a certain singer, or band who you listen to and almost start crying. Not because the music is beautiful, which it is. Don't get me wrong... it is so beautiful. The tears come to your eyes because of all the feeling the words and tunes bring back. Rocky Votolato is that for me. He is everything that I shy from on a daily basis, because if I listen to him... everything in my life becomes frozen. I think of every hardship, every up and down. The music flows through the speakers and hardens everything to stone.

I'm thinking of it right now, and can't even write straight. It's like a whirlwind of everything impossible and possible, and done and not done surrounding me and pausing time at the same moment. I know I'm not making sense, I know. I just can't seem to get what I want to say out, and that alone is killing me.

Waste

2011-07-13T12:05:00.002-07:00

This Time It's For Real.

2011-07-12T00:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Shelby. You have gained nearly 10 pounds in the last month. That is not okay.

You will:

Not drink soda, but once a week. Because depriving you of something you love is wrong, and we must all have things in moderation.

You will no longer eat sweets. You cannot afford to go to the dentist, so there is no linency here.

Please remember to exercise. Unbuttoning your jeans when you get into your car is unattractive.

Wash your face every day. I don't care if you didn't wear makeup.

PSBTW - Wear make up. You need to start to pretend to be pretty so you can get dates.

No gossip. No talking trash. No saying the phrase, "I will murder you." You are violent and mean, and you need to change your life.

Read your scriptures.

Pray for 10 minutes each day, then build up on your time. 5 Minutes in the morning, 5 minutes at night. Use the timer on your phone and seriously pray. It's worked before.

Ask to switch Tuesdays so you can attend institute. You need that in your life more than anything right now.

Body cleanse, juice cleanse. Figure it out.

GO TO THE EYE DOCTOR.

Swim twice a week for a month. You will get better at it. Even if you have to use your nose plug.

Bottom line. Be better. Set higher standards and STOP EATING FAST FOOD AND BUYING TREATS. You are not made of money, and you need to save for important events so get real and stop being such a pig.

Goodbye.

Dixieland Delight

2011-07-09T10:06:00.000-07:00

Last night, I went out dancing. I've been 21 for three days now, and I still feel disappointed that it wasn't at a club. I'm just aching to go out on the town! I went dancing at a big barn-like garage. Beams still exposed, and framing still showing. It was hot, and muggy. There were about fifty people there,and it was fantastic! Even though, I mostly floated around dancing with random strangers and by myself, I had a good time.

I stepped outside for a minute and talked with a friend. He has huge plans for his future, and he knows what he wants. I swear he has one of the bravest souls I know. After cooling off, we went inside. A dance-off was just starting. I was trailing behind him as he said, "Do you want to go up there and watch?" He pointed to the high beams and a room built just left of the dance floor. He opened a door and let me in. I walked up the stairs and into the dark room with opening framing for walls. Behind me I heard him say, "I feel like I'm at a non-LDS party and taking a girl up to a room." I laughed, because it sure felt like that. Until we stood between the framing and looked down on the craziest dance off I have seen in a while. Shirts were thrown, there were somersaults and handstands, it was awesome. As we walked back into the party a huge group of people stood outside the door. The looks we got... were priceless. Two people coming out of a dark attic, I won't even lie and say I didn't blush.

The rest of the night dulled down, less magic, less adventure. As I drove home I wanted to try and keep that feeling I felt earlier, of adventure, alive. So I blared Alabama and felt myself lifting a little higher off the ground again, because I'm "lucky as a seven livin' in heaven with my Dixieland Delight."

Birthday Eve

2011-07-04T08:35:00.000-07:00

Happy Independence Day!

I'm really grateful that I live in America. Even though other countries seem more romantic, and magical, America is fantastic! We are a FREE COUNTRY. How awesome is that? Ya know what else is awesome?? Today is my Birthday Eve!! While all of you are celebrating freedom and America, I know deep down in your hearts you are celebrating ME! Okay, maybe not.. but that's how I picture it! It's pretty cloudy and humid here today, I hope wherever you are the sun is shining! Have fun lighting off fireworks and eating a bunch of yummy food!!

Love,
Shelby Lou

It's True.

2011-07-01T20:59:00.000-07:00

I get in my car and turn the air on high. It's hot outside, about 100 degrees. Even though the sun has set, the heat lingers on. I ride almost home with the air conditioning on full blast. Then, as I pull into my neighborhood, I switch it off and roll down the windows. I stick my left arm out of the window and feel the heat. Similar to when you take your favorite blanket out of the dryer and wrap it around you, the warmth comforts me.

Summer. I love you.

Final Straw

2011-06-23T17:54:00.000-07:00

Here's the thing. The thing that I don't get, and really don't see how people can do this. Let's just start off with, the blogging world and the world in general, is full of trends. We follow the ideas of others, sometimes we do exactly what they do because it works, we like it, and we want to have that same thing. Everyone does it, even the trendsetters themselves. The blogging world is full of fashion blogs, photogs, inspirational posts, and crafts. Therefore it is no secret that along side the best of the best there are amatuers, beginners, and people who are just following the trend. These people, these beautiful, hardworking, creative, and inspired people DO NOT deserve to be made fun of or drug down.

Lately, I have seen so many people make fun of these types of "scenes". Ex. "Oh let me go grab my SLR camera and take crappy pictures of myself, to put on my blog!" I've actually heard someone say this. I was angered then immediatley saddened by their comment. How could someone put down and make fun of someone who is just doing what they like to do? How? I don't care if they are the most outrageous Beiber fan, have twilight tattooed on their butt and take pictures of every meal they eat. Leave them alone. If you think it's crazy, stupid, or annoying... stop reading their blog, stalking their facebook, and being their friend. Because honestly, they don't deserve a friend like you. Harsh? Yep.

If you know me, you know I'm not a Harry Potter fan. I don't care for it, but that doesn't mean I go around talking down the people who love it. I don't want to be a hater.

Anyways, the whole point of this post was to say, STOP MAKING FUN OF PEOPLE! I need to work on it too, but I have noticed it getting way out of control lately. It makes me so mad and sad that others put down people just for being themselves (even if by being themselves they are being the same as someone else) we were all given our own agency to live and do as we see fit. We deal with the consequences of our actions, creativity, and life, individually. So stop making fun of people and just worry about yourself.

AHHHHH!!!!

Life Lately

2011-06-17T08:00:00.000-07:00

I didn't have a post planned for today (it's Thursday night as I write this) and my weekend is going to be very busy. I decided that I haven't actually talked about life, and what is happening in a really long time. So, here I am. Talking about life.

Lately I have been working a lot, and trying to work out more. I don't really run anymore, which makes me sad, but then happy because it's 116 degrees outside already. Jillian Michaels is my new obsession. She is a beast.

Recently I gave a Book of Mormon to a co-worker/friend of mine named James. James is one of the coolest guys you will ever meet. He accepted my offer to read the book, and to come to a fireside meeting last Sunday. He brought his son, and they both loved it. James wants to learn more, and it's a really exciting thing for me to witness.

I guess what is really the coolest thing about my life right now is that, I am sharing the thing I love the most with someone. It can be scary, and make you feel very vulnerable at times, but it is worth it. I've always wanted to be a missionary, and preach the gospel. There seems to always be something that holds me back from doing it though. It's not a bad influence, or spirit. It's good things like family, education, and friendships. I stayed here in Vegas for a reason (instead of putting my papers in) and I think I need to continue to be here for a while longer.

I will be 21 years old in under a month. I feel like it is going to be a big milestone for me. I think that 21 might be the best year of my life, and I am just preparing myself for that. Because even though we started a new year in January, my real new year is July 5th. That's when I start an entirely new year of life, of love. I cannot wait! Come faster 21!!

That is pretty much all. Alix is getting married on Saturday and I am so excited for her! She is going to have a fantastic marriage and she will love being married. (She has been waiting for what seems like forever) I'm excited to go and dance, and just see her and Chey happy! Yay for happy days!!

Oh and this statement from the church on the Book of Mormon on Broadway. Thank you for sharing it with me Shannon!

The production may attempt to entertain audiences for an evening, but theBook of Mormon as a volume of scripture will change people's lives forever by bringing them closer to Christ.

What's In Your Bag?

2011-06-16T08:24:00.000-07:00

I decided that this was a really cute game, so I wanted to play too. Unfortunately my camera Margo is broken, and in the shop. So I had to use my Mom's camera that she never uses. It worked just fine, but makes me sad that I don't have my own camera for another five to seven weeks. Anyways, here goes nothing!

1. A Bunch of papers and trash that I don't know why I have in my purse.
2. My car keys.
3. Eye drops! Lots and lots of eye drops!
4. My name tag for work.
5. The Book of Mormon which you can see more about here. This is my tattered travel copy with all the pages folded in.
6. My wallet, which carries receipts and no money. Ha.
7. A SDHC Card for my camera, that is gone. :(
8. Burt's Bees Tiger Lilly Chapstick.
9. One extra Bobby Pin just in case.
10. My RAEN sunglasses and their cover case.
11. Lollypops for my nephew Carter the next time I see him.
12. Girly things.
13. A pen, which I never can seem to find.
14. My beloved iPhone, Irene.
15. My iPod which doesn't have a name, surprisingly.
16. A fortune that says I will find happiness in a new relationship. A girl can dream!

What's in your purse? Or backpack? Or wallet? (I know some guys read this blog, *pssst*Chris Fox*pssst*

Reality of Love

2011-06-15T17:47:00.000-07:00

Prompted Writing

2011-06-15T08:00:00.000-07:00

I awoke from a nearly restless sleep. Dipping in and out of consciousness, the night had been one of my longest in some time. Rolling to the edge of my bed and swinging my feet over the covers and onto the ground, my body felt like stone. I stumbled through the dirty clothes and shoes on the floor to the bathroom door. I turned on the light and looked up into the mirror. My face was not my own. I stood astonished, jaw hung open, eyes wide. Yet as I looked in the mirror at my reflection, as I studied the unfamiliar face staring back at me, all I saw was a cracked grey sculpture of my head.

Upon further examination, I found this new face to be of uncanny resemblance. Although the stone was gray and lacked in color what my face truly portrayed, it looked as I felt. Small cracks exposed my aging features, the lines across my forehead, the acne scars on the edge of my chin. Deep dark strokes underneath my eyes seemed to appear as smokey clouds creeping over the holes where my eyes should be. And a tired grin spread across the stone.

All of these elements combined to show me the haggard state of life that I had been living in. No one thing could explain it, no one feature could answer the question as to why. The only explanation was inside. I knew in my heart what was bringing me down. Late nights, too much T.V., rude words spoken to others, judging glances, mistakes I knew I was making. Taking prayer for granted, not opening my heart to the spirit that longed to dwell within me. The list could go on for miles and miles.

I turned on the faucet and let the water run warm. I puddled the water in my hands and began to splash my face with it. As I did, the stone began to wear away and my skin showed through. Bits at a time, until my true features appeared. Thankful for forgiveness, and grateful for the one who made it possible, I now had the chance to start again.

picture via

Sparkler Fail

2011-06-14T08:00:00.000-07:00

I don't know about ya'll, but this picture is probably the funniest picture of my life time. I cannot stop laughing at it, and I am serious. Oh my gosh.

via

I am dead. DEAD. It is so funny. Maybe my sense of humor is really weird, but this is greatness. The guy, what he is wearing. That little kids face, and of course the super serious fire-spark on his foot. Do you remember those little white pops that you get on the Fourth of July? Those things are the best, and totally scary at the same time. I totally thought that, that is what this picture was of. Until I looked closer and realized it is a sparkler dropping on that kids foot. Which would hurt, but for some reason makes it ten times funnier. I am a horrible person. I should go to jail, or to Iraq or something. Okay, that was bad too.

I will just stop there.

I'm still laughing.

Hahahahaha

Wish List

2011-06-13T08:00:00.000-07:00

Just a few things that I have been day-dreaming over. I am in complete love with Pinterest. It is probably the best site ever, I love pinning ALL DAY LONG! If you don't have Pinterest check it out, and if you like it... send me and e-mail and I will invite you!

Forget Me Knot Ring via

This very cute outfit! I love me some jean and polka dots! via

Beautiful image from this tumblr website. It makes me want to cut my hair.

One of my many dream wedding rings, it just depends on the man. via

These abs. tumblr

These gray cordones Toms. via

This pink dress from Ann Taylor.

This Macbook woodgrain cover so cute! From this etsy shop

What are you in love with right now?

Midnight In Paris

2011-06-11T11:08:00.000-07:00

picture via

"All good books are alike in that they are truer than if they had really happened and after you are finished reading one you will feel that all that happened to you and afterwards it all belongs to you: the good and the bad, the ecstasy, the remorse and sorrow, the people and the places and how the weather was."
— Ernest Hemingway

Recently I went to see the movie, Midnight In Paris. It was a brilliant film with a great story, but I don't want to spoil it for you. Ernest Hemingway is in the movie, not the real Ernest Hemingway duh, but Hemingway nonetheless. The entire movie was him quoting himself and the one thing that stuck out to me was that quote. It is so true.

Books tear me apart. They really do. When I read the Twilight series I went through a crazy mixed up emotions phase for about a month. As soon as I started New Moon I felt depressed and encompassed by this great amount of heartbreak and sorrow. That is when you know a writer is good. When you are inwardly effected by writing, you can truly say you have lived.

For me, I find that intense feeling most when I read Jane Eyre. I trudge along in her desolate childhood, and feel lonely with her as she grows into a teenager. An overcoming want for righteousness washes over me as I read about her devotion to God after an inevitable heart-break. Tears seriously stream down my face every time I read the last chapters of that book when she is reunited with her love, someone who's soul is interconnected with her own. Oh! If I could live in those feelings forever.

Sometimes, I do. Just like Hemingway said, "afterwards it all belongs to you." When your heart is tested, or you are thrown down to the ground by the world. What you have read, what you have come to know, from reading, comes back to you.

One moment you are yourself, in your own world, your own happiness or tragedy. Then as the two collide, you come to float on the edge of fantasty and reality. Epic, so epic.

Change

2011-06-08T12:27:00.000-07:00

I am in need of a big change. Something in my life needs to shift completely, but I'm not sure what that is. In January when I took up running I thought that it would become a constant in my life. Now that it isn't, there is something missing. Although I love running and would tell anyone to become addicted to it, it does take up time. I was running six days a week, more than four miles a day. It was exhausting.

I think that I am unlike a lot of people because I can't focus on one thing. I don't have a passion for something. I don't have a passion for running, blogging, sewing, graphic design, teaching, law, acting, or anything else. My dream job has always been to be a temp. That person that fills in at desk jobs, runner jobs, and everything in between. If you have ever seen the movie Monster-In-Law, I am just like J-Lo's character. Or at least I want to be. She is a dog walker, a yoga instructor, she teaches little league, works at a doctors office, paints, and designs clothes. I want that to be my life. Something she says in that movie is, "Never live the same day twice." I'm pretty sure I've had the SAME EXACT DAY for over a year. Nothing has changed, and it is bugging me.

What do we do when our souls are restless and we can't seem to find a peace in life? I have no idea. All I know is that, something is about to change because I am sick of being stuck in the same place all-the-time. I'm going to be better, do better, and find something better. End of story.

Things From Pinterest

2011-06-07T18:35:00.000-07:00

(via who has the best hair tutorials btw)

via

Hello Friends!

2011-06-02T07:54:00.000-07:00

Hey, how's it goin'? Yeah, me too. I know, the weather has been crazy lately!! Yeah? Oh, that stinks. I work a lot... No, it doesn't really matter, it's a job! Hahaha, nice talking to you.

I hope this is not the way our conversation would go if we were to meet. Because this is a pretty awkward conversation. Seeing as how you read my blog, and you have the opportunity? to read some of my most precious and deep thoughts, I would figure you and I could have a more interesting conversation. Well, the point of this whole paragraph is to reassure you that I am not looking for popularity or to take over the internets. I am however looking for a larger scale of success. I think that ya'll could help me with that.

First, I just created a Facebook Fan Page for my blog, and if you CLICK HERE or on the Facebook tab on the sidebar, you will be able to go to it. Once you are there, you should click LIKE and become a fan. BUT ONLY DO THIS if you really like the page. If you hate me or something, just leave a mean comment here, or email me. Deal?

Second, since I am such a small blog I am considering doing advertisements for free. I think I would do three small advertisements on the side bar, and a post for each product/blog. If you are interested you can email me at shelbyloudelong at gmail dot com or just click the E-mail button on the side of the page.

Last, but not least. If you read my blog and have any questions, suggestions, comments, concerns... I would really love to hear from you. Leave a comment on this post with anything you want to ask or say, and I will reply back to you in a future post!

That's all. Thanks for your time! I really love you, and think you have great hair and beautiful eyes! Thanks for being my friend!

When Good is Not Good Enough

2011-05-31T18:17:00.000-07:00

I think that most people try very, very hard to stay positive. It is difficult to do, and often times I do not succeed. But when we fail, we try, try again right? All in all last night was rough. I had a breaking point where positive thoughts could no longer enter into my heart or mind. I was having a really tough time turning my thoughts into good things. I believe it is times like those that we need to just stop and be alone with ourselves for a minute. Maybe we can talk ourselves down from that cliff, that fall. Even more important, in times of silence and meditation we have the opportunity to feel a spirit so deep and true, that its presence alone can heal us. We have a very complex spiritual being dwelling within us, that longs for moments of rest and meditation and when we do not give that spirit what it needs, it starts to break down. I can not handle anymore breaking down.

"Strength comes when you remember that you have a divine nature, an inheritance of infinite worth." - Russell M. Nelson

Although I believe that a moment of meditation and thought is what will help us achieve a more positive attitude, I have serious trouble doing it. The moment my knees it the floor, I feel an urge to stand up and walk away. That is one thing people don't tell you, sometimes it is very difficult to pray, maybe even the most difficult thing you will ever do. When you are alone with God, it can be incredibly scary. It isn't really though, God isn't a monster, or a Warden, He is our Father. Often times, talking to our father and admiting to our downfalls is embarassing and heart-wrenching. Maybe it is that we feel he will be disappointed, angry, or even sad. That is how I feel.

My point here is that, we don't need to be good enough, beautiful enough, or smart enough for anyone besides God and ourselves. I still can't answer for myself the questions that pull me down on a daily basis; "Why won't anyone ask me on dates? Why can't I stop doing this one thing that is holding me back from exceeding? Why can't I pray to my heavenly father more often and in more earnest? What is wrong with my mind that it won't slow down enough?" I have no idea how to answer these questions. I do however, have hope for beautiful things. I hope for the times when I feel the spirit and help others feel it too. I hope for moments when I feel good enough for myself, and it doesn't matter what other people think.

Five things to do when you have negative thoughts:
1. Think about something positive, like a really pretty sunrise or sunset.
2. Listen to good music that makes you happy.
3. Start listing every happy day you have had in your lifetime.
4. Pray, meditate, ask God to shine his light upon you.
5. Make a game plan. Tackle the negative thought and figure out how you are going to make it disappear, and REPLACE it with a positive one. Don't leave the space empty, empty spaces allow the negative things to come back in without reservation.

History, Oh me.. Oh my..

2011-05-28T09:56:00.000-07:00

Dating. I have been talking about it a lot lately. Last night, I was thinking about my dating life in retrospect. It has been a weird dating life, to say the least. Mostly just a lot of kissing boys, and totally loving it. I will not be ashamed!

I have a history. A history you say? A history you question?! Yes, a history. An extensive history of asking boys out. Girls are not supposed to ask guys out. It is a well known fact. Yet, looking back into my relationships I realize that I normally wear the "pants". Maybe I am not patient enough, hmmm.

Scenario one. The first boyfriend I had, I pursued. When I say pursued, I mean stalked. Okay, maybe not that crazy. I did however, initiate every conversation and made an almost crazy effort to look awesome in front of him. Ahh, young love. It did not stop there. Number two through four where just the same, if I were to guess-timate.

When I was a Senior in high-school I was not asked to my Senior Prom. Did I still go? Yes, indeed I did still go. I asked a boy from another school because well, I was not about to miss out on my freaking senior prom! I was the master of asking boys to dances. This is not a lie.

After high school, I got to a point in my relationship with Frank, where I just asked him.. "What are you to me?" Straight up dude. I wanted to know. I didn't want to walk around holding hands with some guy who couldn't admit to being my boyfriend, and I wasn't about to wait for him to step up his game.

After a dry spell, and some lucky with charming gentlemen, and then my own stupid self messing it up... I decided to get back out on the scene. I just moved to Provo and it had been six months since I had been on a real date. I took my friend Ashree by the hand and said, "It's a dog-eat-dog world that we live in, and hon... we aren't getting anywhere just sitting here lookin' pretty. We need to step up our game." What did we do? We stepped up our giz-ame! We asked boys on dates, and had a fun time. I went through the ward directory and picked out a boy I thought was handsome and WHAM-BAM-SHIZAAM, date! After that, I got asked out on a couple of dates and finally found myself in a relationship. SHOCK AND AWE people, shock and awe.

It seems like, all it really takes is me stepping up and taking the bull by the horns, so-to-speak. Maybe that is what I am missing now. Let me just say one more thing though, before I conclude this with, I AM WOMAN, I don't really care for this situation. I think it makes me come off as brash, un-feminine, and sort of cocky. That is not something I would apperciate in a woman if I were a man. So the real question is.. Do I keep asking guys out? Or do I just sit back and let them come to me?

My patience is dwindling already, so I doubt I will go with the latter. Plus, I mean read this quote and then tell me what to do...

Are you there blog? It's me, Shelby

2011-05-27T18:44:00.000-07:00

(The title of this post is giong to be my new blog title.)
I wish that I could make all my crafty thoughts come true. I have the cutest ideas, not to brag, and I just can never seem to put them out into the world. I can think of a million cute things, but I personally can never make them happen. When I try to it is an epic fail, I hate those. I really want to be that cool girl who sews her own dresses, makes jewlery, paints pictures, takes really good photos, and can graphic design like no other. I am litterally, the kid that loves baseball but is afraid of the bat.

I finally figured out what my blog identity is. It is me, speaking to my blog like it is a journal or something. I am not a fashion blogger, or a craft blogger, or a food blogger. I don't blog about my every-day life either. I tend to blog when something moves me. I try to write in a way that reflects the woman that I am, because despite my ever-persistant efforts, I am a woman now. I believe that because, I feel that stir in my chest when I say those words. I am a woman. Not in everything, but I'm learning to walk that thin line (womanhood is a thin line, did you know that?)

Interestingly enough, as I was pondering on what to write about on my blog today a guy at my work said something ridiculous. "If you are sexy, you can wear whatever you want." I was shocked, and just looked at him for a second. He must of read my facial expression because the next thing he said was, "Now don't take that to extremes, don't go blogging about it now." I told him I would blog about it, and that I would take it to extremes.

I'm ready for the planning and primping to stop. I just want to party, and be done. I never realized how much work goes into planning a party, even if it is just small. I hope everyone likes it, and that it goes along without a hitch.

In the end, I am over being lazy and dumb. I want to do everything I can to be awesome, and I am going to work really hard to gain that title: Shelby The Awesome Girl Who, Paints, Photographs, Crafts, and Looks Pretty 80% of the time. YEAH!

OKC DAL MIA CHI

2011-05-25T19:43:00.000-07:00

NBA Playoffs.

Oklahoma Thunder
Dallas Mavericks
Miami Heat
Chicago Bulls

My guess?
Mavericks & Heat in the finals.

My hope?
Thunder & Heat in the finals.

Why am I talking about basketball?
Because.

Why not the Mavericks? Why not the Bulls?
Mavericks... I really like them as a team. However, I would love to see the Thunder pull a big one on this. I might end up rooting for the Mavericks in the end, that shows how attached to the Heat I am. The Bulls? I don't have a good vibe about them, it's a no-go, the Bulls and I. Hence, why I am rooting for the Heat to win.

Let's just say this is a new-found, late-found, love. I now have an ESPN Scoreboard App on my iPhone. Now let us all join together and cheer on Oklahoma who are in the fourth game trying to get some turn-over with a current score of 61 to 59 in the 3rd quarter.

GO THUNDER! GO MAVS! GO HEAT!

I'm so indecisive.